I truly hate when I dream of important information and I forget upon waking, but I know there were some very important details I needed to hold on to…gone. Or are they? My dreams have been prophetic, foretelling and puzzle like in the details, but I know what the symbols mean, how the energy transfers, if I simply ate something, or if life transferred over to my dreams. How about you, how vivid are your dreams?

Do you dream in color, or do you dream in black and white, do you even know? I am a full out color dreamer, I can tell you minute details about the colors in my dreams, but sometimes those things are not important in the dream, it is muted out, so that I see the more important details. Have you had dreams like that, where you see something, but know the detail is unimportant, and so it becomes muted?

I believe that when I get an important message in my dream, and I can’t remember it, it plants itself in my subconscious, to be revealed later on, for the purpose it was supposed to serve. So that dream I had last night? I can remember the not important things, the important was planted, it will be revealed all in good time.

Are you aware that you are dreaming, when you are? I am, and that allows me to put those mental markers on the important information. I even have conversations with myself as I dream, ie: this is a dream, I am in control of where I go in this dream, I can choose to wake up when I want, I am only here observing my dream for whatever purpose it does, or does not serve. The reason I do this stems from nightmares as a child that felt so real, that it would and could disturb me the following day, days or a week. This has also occurred in my adulthood, but once you start accessing this ability, it changes how you dream, especially if you are prone to nightmares. The key is to take the pause in your dream.

When we take the pause in our dream, we can identify what the dream is making us feel vs what our body actually feels. If your body is more involved, you may want to consider having a sleep study, as there may be more involved and your body is trying to wake you up. Back to the pause, when we take that moment to assess what is going on, we can decide to observe the dream, wake ourselves up, or continue to feel out of control in the dream. I know which I choose, and why. Do you?

How about the dreams with loved ones that have passed. Those can rock your world in a few ways, to see, smell, and maybe touch that relative is a huge gift! To be separated but interact with those same people may feel frustrating, or can still be gifts that we value. And sometimes, those same people you loved, can be downright mean or cruel in your dreams, and this is very unsettling, but odds are there is a reason. For instance, I dreamt of my grandma, she was at my house doing some gardening, I could see her, talk to her, smell her, feel the energy she always exuded and she spoke to me in a corrective tone, which she hardly ever did in real life. So I knew to pay attention to what she said. She delivered a message to me, she made me promise to listen to her and follow through, which I did, and she was right about what she needed to tell me. I can still see her in this dream, I can still feel the strength of her delivery of the message.

Can you distinguish your dreams from each other, the life driven, the food influence, the foretelling or prophetic? Can you find the messages, or connect the dots that may mean something to you? Maybe some of you are thinking, “it’s not that deep”, perhaps it is? I challenge you to start noticing your dreams more, to pay attention to the details that are meant for you to notice, to start to understand what messages and connections lay deep in your slumbering subconscious. Maybe you can start to alter your dreams, try that out…whichever you do, drop me a line and let me know how vivid your dreams are. Happy dreaming my friends!

She may not like it, but this was a quick capture of Brooke as she found her prom dress today. She tried on about 12 dresses, even though this was the dress she had her eye on as we walked in the door. It amazes me how she always knows which dress she wants, pretty much right out of the gate. I think she plays this game with herself, she tries on the ones that won’t do, and saves the first, and final selection as the last try on. It is kind of an exciting game to witness, as she looks great in so many things…but when you see her in “The One”, she lights up, the dress shines, and she becomes the goddess that she is. MAGICAL.

What a moment to witness and enjoy with her! What moments do you witness and enjoy? What moments do you witness magic with another? I would love to know! I cannot wait to capture Brooke in this dress, with my camera, hopefully we’ll make a serious magical moment!

I was one of those people that refused to get on social media, for years. I had no desire to see what everyone was doing, to send and accept friend requests from people I knew, but never spoke to, and to fend off requests from the spammers and scammers that only wanted me to send them money back from their fraudulent wire transfer. I avoided it for years, YEARS, and then a friend finally broke me down and convinced me to get online.

Honestly, for a long while, it was great to connect with people I hadn’t seen or spoken to for years. I rekindled some great friendships that had gotten lost in time, I connected with some distant relatives, and I ended up making some new friends via groups, workshops, and they have become good friends over time. Facebook has it’s pluses, but it surely has it’s minuses too.

FOMO-fear of missing out, is a very real thing for many people. If they miss out, they may be out of the loop, and possibly could be left behind or not included with friends…all because they weren’t socially connected online. It can cause many folks to have anxiety, FOMO, which means they become even more dependent on social media. Basically, it becomes like a drug, to be seen, heard, to see, to hear…it is like an addiction. Is there a cure?

Another danger is viewing Facebook, or other social media outlets as news outlets on a National platform, for community news, personal news…truly it can be a one sided, paid for, big ass danger. Speaking of paying for, how many things have you purchased by being on Facebook, seeing ads, and then purchasing those items? Hey, no judgments, I have been there. It’s almost like they know what you were talking about with your spouse, or friend, or maybe you just looked at something earlier in the day or week. *Wink, wink*

Facebook may be a person’s biggest interaction with people on any given day, eliminating the need for in person interaction, or at minimum, replacing in person interaction. This is truly not what is best for us, in a multitude of ways. To me, it takes away from personal connection, and leaves a lot to read between the lines, ruining actual communication and relationships. There is a lot to be said about facial expressions, energy exchange, touch, etc that we do in person.

How many people have you lost as friends, or unfollowed the last couple of years due to political friction, differing climate change view points, whether you had the vaccine or not, which group of people you feel are the Devil incarnate, and who needs a champion because they are stomped on by those devils in disguise??? I can say that I have unfriended people, I have also unfollowed people, and I don’t feel bad or regret it. I guess when I think about it, it was better to run in to people occasionally at the grocery store, be happy to see them, still consider them friends, and be happy to know we both supported our community, our schools, etc etc etc. That may sound idealistic, but realistically, we all don’t think the same, and truthfully, there is very little wrong with that, until we are told it is a huge problem and we better act on it or we are just as guilty as the “bad guys”.

With where my life is at, I felt it best to take a break from FB, and it was the right thing for me. I have been saying for a while that I need to evaluate my social media usage, and I have been. I find that I have not missed Facebook, but if I don’t post there, it cuts down on access to my posts for a lot of people…so that just makes me need to keep that connection online, to be able to share my words and work. I think there is a compromise though, I think I will continue to share my work, written or photographed, on social media platforms, but my personal interaction will be reserved more so for in person interaction. This is where I am at, and what I want to do.

Have you considered what social media demands from you, in the many aspects that it does? Have you cut back on social media for any reason? I would love to know what and how you think about Facebook, or other social media platforms, take them, leave them, or what? Drop me a line, let me know!

As a creative, sometimes we lack creativity. This could be due to all kinds of things, for me personally, it has to do with the over and under functioning that I mentioned yesterday. I may dream about things, get visions of things to create, or find inspiration in all kinds of places, but the actual doing has been a waning, nonexistent issue for a while. I spoke to a great friend about it the other day, she is a creative as well, and while she sometimes pushes through her blocks, taking time away is helpful to her as well. She suggested I reconnect with an old muse, and while I am entertaining the idea, I am not yet acting on it. I am still in decompress mode, but anticipate that ending this week or next…it isn’t an expectation on myself, just a self realization!

I have gotten away from some things that are helpful to me, and today, I would like to show you one thing I do to help myself get grounded, balanced and focused on letting go and moving forward. First, I am in a space that I enjoy being in, my office/studio. It is still a work in progress, so you can see shots of that later on, but find yourself in a sacred/safe/personal space if you want to follow along. I also have music on that helps me soften within myself, so that I can more easily define and release what I need to let go. Today, I am listening to Moya Brennan. I am not sure what it is about her voice and her music, but it makes me feel warm and fuzzy, so here we are, tuning in and picking out what is plaguing my mind, the thing I need to let go of, to move forward today, for my tomorrows.

I take a piece of my note pad, and write down what it is that I need to let go of. I sometimes will share that with others, but today I will keep it to myself!

Yes, well, most times I use my handy lighter as my paper is already in the container for it to be burned…I got fancy, used my candle to light it, while taking a photo. The paper never ignites as much as it did today, so you get this subpar image of me almost burning my hand.

This is an ashtray, but it isn’t just any ashtray, more on that in a minute. As I watch the paper burn, I let my body release the feelings and thoughts associated with my writings. I give the words up to God, and trust that what will be, will be. I will be directed, and must take action on the guidance.

I really just like this shot, which is all part of creativity…it’s just liking what you see. I love hands, one day soon, I will write about that. Note to self*

And here I am, ready to write to you about letting something go. This note is not my releasing words, these are from a class I watched earlier about reconnecting with creativity…which I don’t think I am disconnected from creativity as much as I am from the doing.

This photo kind of sums up what I am releasing, and serving as a reminder that I already know the answer, I just have to keep going, keep doing what I am doing, and pick up my camera and connect it all. I have been using my cell phone for quite a while for photos. It is quick and easy, but it is not the same as creating and capturing with my camera…and that is what I need to do. As I told you about writing about hands, I saw several shots in my mind that I need to capture to convey the significance of hands, to me. You are witnessing the release, the answer and the ideas all play out, thank you for seeing this.

I have clearly burned a lot of paper in this ashtray! Ironically, I had it stashed away for almost over 25 years before it showed me it’s purpose one day. I got this in 1994 when I went on a school trip to Mexico, and may have filched it from the hotel we were staying in, in Acapulco.

The significance of this Ritz Hotel ashtray is several fold. We were some of the last occupants of the hotel, they were scheduled to tear it down the week following our stay, to build condominiums. It felt sad, the hotel, so I kept a piece of it to keep it living on. The hotel was right on the water, and the water element deals with our emotions, what better connection to burn your concerns? Also, I acquired this piece when I was 17, my favorite year, and a reminder to never lose that part or sense of me, no matter my real age. I was bold then, I need to keep being bold, for my whole life. And one way to be bold is to write and capture what I see, what I feel, to show you who I am, and to hopefully inspire you to be yourself too.

Tune in tomorrow, as my week away from Facebook winds down. I will have some thoughts on that for you!

It never fails that when your life takes a change, and while embracing that change, you may struggle. You may struggle with what you think you should or should not be doing. I have found myself, along the way, realizing that I felt guilt for not taking care of people, realizing where that expectation came from, how I perpetuated those feelings, and also constantly having to tell myself it is okay to not produce. And what do you know? A day after I explained to someone that I got here because I am highly capable, highly functioning, yet I found myself unable to do the smallest and easiest things…I could not function, I saw this post on Instagram, and it really just hit home for me, and might for you too.

This is a tricky statement. I think my husband and I were both over-functioners, but in differing senses. His focus was work, mine was raising kids, running my business, taking care of clients, maintaining house, and doing yard work, etc. He works so many hours for his job, always has, that left me to tend to all the other stuff. With him not dealing with his trauma, it created a ton of stress and chaos, and knowing what I know now, it caused my own trauma of serving and fulfilling expectation to flourish. Several clients warned me when I said I wasn’t doing enough, they told me I was crazy and would burn out from it all. They were right.

So, I didn’t just burn out, I went beyond burn out to scorched earth. And that is when I became under functioning. I was paralyzed, I couldn’t do anything besides work, take care of people, and take care of home duties sparingly. I think my husband had gone through this prior to me, and shortly in to our marriage. He became an under-functioned the same way I did, just before me. We both chose to continue to over-function in many ways, and under-function in many other ways.

I look at this list, and think I did the first and last, he did all of those in between. Sometimes I look back at what we have dealt with and it makes me so sad, a bit angry, and overwhelmed.

I did all of these things, but I truly think his over-functioning caused mine to persist. Read on.

I didn’t wait for anyone to jump in to help, because I knew it was all on me. Period. I never relied on anyone for anything, nor did I ask for advice. In fact, I hid just about everything that I went through because I knew no one was going to help me, I wasn’t going to burden anyone and I didn’t want people to pity me, or think lowly of my husband.

Yeah, this list is laughable. Not because she is wrong, but I was way past under-functioning…I was not functioning. I was failing, faltering, falling…nah, I more or less flat lined. I had to eliminate something and it had to be my work. I also had to eliminate some people from my life, and they had a lot of expectation from me in the dumbest ways, and in order to help myself, this is what I had to do.

A super important thing to add is that my husband stopped under functioning, which means that he was changing his over-functioning. He was also dealing with the feelings that caused his O-F/U-F, and that was extremely relieving for me, because it also allowed me to stop doing those both, too. He has been suggesting for over a year that I quit working for a while, and I never listened to that, in fact my compromise a month ago was to cut down to one day a week. Lol, that lasted a week and I just had to quit cold Turkey. That was how not functioning I was, I realized that if I continued, I would die.

Seriously, after he seemed to make a life change to leave the old, past and crap behind, I felt such overwhelming relief, but it also cause me a lot of issues and I had to process all of those. While I was trying to process it all, I truly was becoming less functional, to the point of crying and dreading work for two days prior, and two days after, sometimes all the time. I intrinsically knew that I couldn’t keep helping people when I couldn’t even help myself, and so before I stopped functioning altogether, quitting, or retiring as he calls it, was all I could do. That was the lynchpin for me. Once I retired, I am was almost immediately able to start doing things mentioned on the under-functioning tip list.

I still consider myself in a decompressing mode, and the hardest struggle is having no expectation of myself. As a highly capable over-functioner, this has been difficult for my brain to accept, but my body and emotions are weeping with gratitude. I am amazing myself at what I am doing daily with little to no effort, and that I couldn’t even muster an effort for just two weeks ago. I am happy again, I am actually functioning again, my brain can do math quickly again. I am amazed at what has come back to me, just by both of us being in a great place individually, and together. We support each other, we communicate very well, and we laugh more together now than we have our whole marriage.

If you aren’t a self healer that looks to address your issues and can work through them on your own, please seek out a qualified health care professional to help you. All of today’s information is provided by Amanda E. White. Please click on her link below to learn more!

https://amandaewhite.com/

Or find her on Instagram:

https://instagram.com/therapyforwomen?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Yesterday was so jam packed with engagements, that I did what I swore I wouldn’t do, I forgot to post! So, here are a couple of shots from the day…

Guess you’ll get two posts in one day…OOPS!

Do you ever just let go and suddenly you are receiving so much love, care and support that you are overwhelmed, in a good way? Things have a way of working for your best interest when you relax your iron grip, stop having an expectation of yourself, and you stop trying to fulfill so much for others. It is actually an amazing phenomenon, and I am sure there is som science behind it, but for today, who cares about the science?

I have been very anti-helpful information from others for quite some time. Unless you are living it, have lived it, or have some experience from my current perspective, I probably won’t think you are helpful. It is true, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have surprised myself by the conversations I have had the last two days, what I have said, what was said to me, and above all, the circle of respect from each of us involved, and where we are at, respectively, within our own lives.

Show me who I need, that needs me. And so it is. Who can I live, laugh, and grow with, and who can do the same with me? And so it is. Who is not good for me to be around, and who am I not good to be around? And so it is. So it is.

Let nature take care of everything, as that is where we truly are free, being our natural selves. More nature, soon coming your way via The Photographist Life!

Hello lovelies, how the heck are ya today?

What do you know about yourself, I mean really know? What is lurking in the corner, the shadows, the places you don’t see, don’t look, don’t think exists or you just want to avoid to possibly “keep the peace”? Me personally, I have scoured this soul with an LED pen light, looking to bring to light what needs addressed, what needs some lovin’, and what needs released.

The first time I did shadow work, I had no idea this was what it was called, and if you have never heard of it before, it may sound dark, scary or wrong. While sometimes it is dark, and can be scary, it is definitely not wrong, it is completely right! See, we go about life, from a perspective of what we are taught, or what we learned early on. This is based on the person or people that teach us…and as adults we all know once you become an adult, all of your problems or issues magically stop. BWAHAHAHA, yeah, no. Somewhere in adulthood is when we realize how whacked, what we were taught, actually is.

Shadow work is not a blame game, this is not a blame or condemn your parents/family/teachers/loved ones sort of thing, no way. However, it is an opportunity for you to see how what you think you know about yourself, may be based on something that isn’t really about you, but based on something before you. It may even be based on a parent’s opinion of themselves. It could be based on something farther back, or maybe it is just based on what your natural inclination as a youngster was, and how those that taught you responded to that. Many possibilities to explore.

So, why do Shadow work? It is so you can understand yourself better, so you can shed light on things you may struggle with, or it may show up as things that perpetuate themes or certain types of relationships in your life. It is also so the good things about you, light or dark, can come to surface for your betterment and positivity! A disclaimer: You may do shadow work and think that is all that needs done, ever, but sometimes things in life unravel for you to consider, need, for you to do shadow work again…basically it is not a one and done, but it isn’t a lifetime of consistent shadow work. Would I tell you about it if I didn’t think it wouldn’t be helpful? No.

I did Shadow work years ago, on my own, and then a few years ago, I studied more intensively about shadow work, and once again did my own unraveling of the things that needed unraveled. I found myself needing more shadow work recently, and oddly enough, I had purchased a shadow workbook last year, to sit hidden in my closet desk for almost a year, for me to unearth at the right time this week. Nothing is by chance, it is all by design…just like shadow work.

If you would like to learn more about this type of self help, I would be happy to talk to you, answer your questions, or guide you to a source/resource that may be better for you. I have also included the link to the workbook, which I think is very beginner friendly, very supportive in text, and something I personally found helpful. Drop me a line, let me know if you have some shadow work, or if you are open to it and want to learn more!

If you can only imagine, I am, and have been, over complicating my days. To be honest, I should be looking at every day like a blank canvas, layering my day like you would a painting. I should start with my background, my day, with exercise, add some color for the first layer, which would be good food and hydration, then keep adding color for shapes and textures, that would be things I need to get done, finishing with details, things I want to get done. This looks and sounds pretty simple, right?

Yes, it should be easy, the problem is that I have caught myself in a web of expectation. We’re going on a mind trip, so follow along…

We do, do, do, do. Then one day, we realize we can’t keep doing, but we keep doing anyhow. So we keep doing, doing, doing. Slowly over time, we notice we are doing less and less, until we come to a complete stop. What the hell happened? We are a doer, not a half way doer either, we can do it all, we DO do it all. We dododododododo. But now? We can’t. So we stop. And while we are stopped, we realize we have NO idea how we got here, basically the middle of nowhere. So we just stand here, somewhat confused as to all the events leading up to standing somewhere unrecognizable.

Great! This means we can go anywhere and fo anything! Ah, but no, we can’t. We can’t because we are caught up in all the expectations. We have all this time, we can have the cleanest, most organized house ever! So we start on that, get some stuff done, but realize this is not where our focus should be! Noooo. We should make sure everyone has home cooked dinner everyday! Yes, the family deserves nutrition, home cooked, Cooke with love meals! So we cook…but that isn’t it either…

We keep hearing that we need to take this time for ourselves, to focus on our health, doing what makes us happy and what fills our soul. But what about the expectation to do for everyone else? They all say, no, just take care of you! We want you to show up for you! So you make plans to exercise more, yes, this will start my day off great! But then, you show up for you, to have the class leader not bother to show up…great, maybe this is a sign?!? Maybe I am ahead in permanent servitude to others?

And you become bitter, resentful, angry, snarly and surly. For the love of God, please take time for yourself, you truly need to take care of you! And so you say you will, but you find you are still gridlocked in this idea of expectation. When did this problem start, and how deep is it???

Let me tell you, it is very old, and very deep. The fact that I was taught to ignore myself for another’s needs, and I have operated from that place for 45 years, to my detriment, it is seriously rocking my world, and not in a good way. So, I am stripping it back.

I retired from my job. I cut off most all people, even those that don’t have an expectation of me, but that have such high expectations of themselves, I don’t need the influence. I have been going about my day, where it is leading me-each day, day by day. And the expectation to do is getting worse every day. I am not finding relief, I am not taking care of myself, I am eroding slowly and it is a shit process. Yesterday though, I had a pretty big break through. And here is what I learned/remembered:

• Dealing with trauma that you feel is dealt with, may have many, many layers
• I was never not good enough
• I was better than good, as proven through all that I have done
• Neglect is a problem, from ourselves, from others, expectations can appear like engagement, it is not
• I do not have to prove anything, to anyone, maybe YOU need to prove something to me, but I am not supposed to have expectations, just supposed to accept others’ expectations of me
• I don’t have to soften or be nice to you, just because you think I do
• Comparisons only make one person feel better, even if you outperform the one you are compared to
• Some people don’t need or deserve a place at my table
• Don’t judge me if you don’t know how I honor people…ie, accept their limitations yet make concessions for them

So, for the foreseeable future, I will be writing daily. I will be listening to what each day is currently asking of me. I will start to listen to myself again, and only. I am accepting rebirth, as a solo endeavor, with a solo self upbringing, and a solo life. Meaning that I will birth me, raise me, and celebrate me. Accepted or not, I truly don’t care.

For the next week, I will not be posting my writings on Facebook. You can follow via email subscription, or follow along via WordPress. Thanks for reading, see you all tomorrow.

Do you believe that everything has it’s own timing, that some things will not happen, no matter how much we desire or push through? Do you believe in fate or luck? Do you believe that all is predestined, or that we are all just moving in a direction controlled by something or someone else?

I would love to know your thoughts on the timing in your life of events or happenings. Maybe something worked perfectly with timing, maybe something had to be stopped or cancelled before something better happened to or for you? Please share your stories, in regard to timing, that stand out the most to you. Feel free to drop some lines here, or send me a message. I would love to know!