Going Gray

We are all on a journey. Life is the journey, there are many processes, chapters, books, experiences, etc on life’s journey. We fail, learn, and grow. We succeed, get better, and reach milestones. We often find that our environment is not conducive to where we are on the journey, or maybe we are not personally synced for where we are. This is a story of such a thing, being out of sync to finding balance.

Hi, my name is Erin and I am 44. My hair has been going gray for sometime. Technically, I am silvering, but that is really just code for gray. At first, I was bothered by this, I am too young to be old, to look old, to be showing my wisdom. You could say that I am fighting aging through coloring my hair, that is accurate, that is fair, but it isn’t the whole picture.

I have been in an environment for a while with younger people, and while I see where they are on their journey, as I have been there too, they didn’t see where I was, and it affected me. Now, it didn’t bother me in the sense that they didn’t get me, how could they, they have yet to have my experience and knowledge. But it bothered me in the sense that their concerns and interests didn’t really jive with my own, we are not truly in alignment. I didn’t fault them, but I had observed that they treated me differently, as irrelevant, sometimes even with pity.

I started to think there was something wrong with me, that I was a washed up, pathetic has been, or maybe never was. Maybe by coloring my hair, I was trying to remain young, hip, and contemporary to fit in. And so I decided to stop coloring my hair and go gray. If my inside was to match my outside, I was going to embrace the wisdom earned and show these people what I was about.

I consulted with my hair stylist, told her my plan and she told me how we would achieve my desired results, slowly over time. I was excited, unsure at points and ready to show the wisdom I had obtained over the years, one silver hair at a time. I am relevant, I am wise.

For several months I let my natural hair color grow out, waiting to see all these glorious silver hairs to present themselves, a showing to all around me that I know myself, I know my worth, I know my capabilities and I am not who you want me to be, I’ll be whoever the hell I want to be. I’ll be ME.

And then nada. Those 20 silver hairs on each temple, and the 50 random silvery gray hairs on my crown showed me that while my natural hair color is slowly fading, I really didn’t have a plethora of gray/silver hair like I had anticipated. Wow, now what? How does this align me with my plan?

Did that mean I wasn’t wise? No. Did that mean I was irrelevant? No. Did that mean that I was a had been or never was? HELL NO. What that meant was that I was in the wrong place around the wrong people. Once I admitted that to myself, I also thought, well yeah, but you have known that for a while, you just wouldn’t admit it.

This was never really about my hair. This wasn’t about not knowing myself or being affected by others, and their possible opinions of me. This was about me having much to offer this world and not doing it. I am not doing what I want and need to do, and it took me going gray to not only admit it, but to do something about it. It is all part of the process, on the journey. The problem is/was my visibility. I did not want to be seen. We’ll talk about that later though.

Oh, and yes, I will be going back to coloring my hair soon. ~Erin

BE BOLD- A Father’s Day Tribute

Happy Father’s Day to all of you dads, biological or not! Today is a day to honor the man in your life that has been a father figure to you, or your loved ones, and to all the men out there that have raised their own children or the children of their hearts.

My father has been a great role model to me and my own children in so many ways over the years. He doles out sage advice with humor and direct words, but also with the spice of expectation, he wants you to succeed, expects you to succeed. In essence, when he says BE BOLD, he means don’t just take a chance on yourself, create the chance, execute the plan, succeed, and come on over to tell me about it. Don’t wait for something to happen, make it happen!

Before going to the top!

Dad had not left the state in about 35 years, had no desire to really, but he always wanted to see the St. Louis Archway, and we wanted to show him KC, so when he told us last year that he wanted to go on a trip, we really didn’t believe him, or that he would actually go. We made all the necessary plans, mom even rented an RV for us to travel in comfort, all for my dad to live his own words, BE BOLD.

630 feet in the air, living by his own rules…
Perspective is everything.
Cruising down the mighty Mississippi!

If you know my father, you know that he has never met a stranger, no such thing exists in his world. He makes friends as easily as some people breathe, it’s just natural, it’s reflexive, it is simply him. To say that my dad is adventurous, is not only accurate, but doesn’t even come close to the truth. He is BOLD.

FUN is a word many of us associate with my dad, funny is probably a more closely related word to his truth. There is never a dull moment with this guy, he is after all BOLD, and he encourages all around him to BE BOLD too. Some may say, “do you mean he is a bad influence?”, no, he won’t influence what isn’t already present within you, but he will enhance it. He wants you to enjoy his company as much as he enjoys his own, and his zest for life, well, he wants that to rub off on you too!

My dad has always lamented on the simple things in life, he is no grand gesture sort of man. He knows the value of time well spent, a smile, a laugh and sometimes a cry, but that is typically, but not always, humor based too. He loves animals, animals love him, and yes Doug, I expect a joke about my mom thrown in right about now. Mom, you’ll get your own post, even if it isn’t Mother’s Day, but I regress. It is the simple things that make life worth living, and when you are BOLD like my dad, those simple things multiply, magnify, and satisfy your thirst for life.

Electrifying!
The world’s most elusive can of beer. Turn on TROOST!!

Speaking of thirst, I will always remember this trip, these places, and the stories that go along with it. I want more of these times with you, Dad. Take my father’s advice, BE BOLD, in all areas of your life, create the good times, the laughter and the fun. Here’s to the next round, “Let’s do shots!”.

Harry’s Country Club, gentiles we were not! Savages, YES!

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY DAD!!! We love YOU!!!

*Turn on the light*

Everything I write is meant for you. Well, maybe it isn’t for right now, or it isn’t directed at you, but it is for you to determine in what way it has or could apply to you or your life. I write knowing that I have no clue how it might apply to you, your life, or someone you know. The purpose of what I write is meant to be a spark that either resonates with you now, or for the future so you can turn the light on your life.

I don’t respond to someone yelling at me. My last post was a reflection of that. I think we are in a place in this world, that we can all agree, there are so many differences within us all, and we all just want to be accepted for whom we are. Some people don’t want to share that with the world, and that is okay, they will go at their own pace and comfortability. Some people will seek out others like themselves, to find familiar souls with whom they can release a sigh of contentment, happiness or at minimum, acceptance. Some folks will announce that this is them, take it or leave it, and they move on with their lives to pursue what ignites a fire within them. And then you have the yellers, the people who are in your face, forcing you to not only accept them, embrace them, but you better also stand with them or you are assuredly against them. I have a problem with the last group, and this is why.

I respect all people, in all identities. I embrace all kinds of people, with all kinds of likes, interests, personalities, genders, preferences, needs, wants, etc etc etc. What I do have a major problem with is someone not knowing how I, or others, feel because there was no communication about it, just assumptions based upon quietness, that the person feels they then have a right to scream in my ear about, to disrespect my personal boundaries, get in my face or spew hatred towards me and others because they are not getting their demands met without even knowing where the other person stands.

I mean, if you want to meet me where I stand, have a respectful conversation about something important to you, I will happily do that. What I won’t do is tolerate your disrespectful actions disguised as activism, progressive teachings, or straight up bullying tactics to get your way to make you feel heard, seen, loved, accepted, or worthy. That all comes from within.

Not everyone will accept you. I accept that not all will accept me, for whatever reason a person chooses, this is none of my business, nor is it my duty to change, however to accept, to be so solid with myself that none of it matters is the most important. I am sure I will be lectured over this at some point, and I say please, talk with me about it, don’t make assumptions and don’t scream at me. I wouldn’t do that to you, and for the love, stop grouping all similar people in groups, which you also hate being done to you, I might point out.

This may seem like it is a pointed post, and honestly, it is. It is pointed at all the people that demand, extort, blackmail, bully, hate others into seeing, hearing, accepting, loving or “finding worthiness” in them. Turn on the light, look within before you look outwardly. Perhaps you need to examine what is inside yourself before you find fault and make demands of other people, especially if you are not not seeing, hearing, respecting, loving or accepting of others, possibly with a side of not doing it for yourself. *Turn on the light*

Yeah, that’s right!

Fist in the air, mean mugging, lip snarl, righteous. Who is with me?!? Who stands against me?!? You don’t have to listen, cause I will scream it in your ear!!! I.AM.RIGHT.!!!! What does that make you?????? WRONG!!! Who has control??? I HAVE CONTROL!!!

It’s okay if you saw Billy Idol while reading this. It may date you, but ya ain’t wrong! Or, maybe you are? Could have been a bit Janet Jackson for all you know. Anyhoo, maybe we all oughta pull our knickers out our rumps and have a wee sit to cool our jets?!

I want to discuss control and being right today, or the need to be so, and how we interact with people in regards to these things. I am finding many people are experiencing a major shift right now, we could say it has to do with Mercury Retrograde, or we can say it involves evolving for our own lives, evolution of our souls, and ultimately our world. But today, I want to focus on being right, and having control.

The need to have control is typically derived from a chaotic environment that needed/needs order, or, the need to be the person that dictates everything, which also serves as a sense of balance. Now, in those separate things, they may both be coming from a place unhealed for yourself, a parent wound, or perhaps even a spousal wound-which most likely derives from the previous two. Control is really a false illusion, when you break it down. We can control our bodies, our thoughts, our actions. We can even control others through abuse, trickery or limiting their options. We can think we have control of a situation, but really all we did was take away the oxygen in the room, so it can fuel our internal fire that rages out of control…having no control causes forced control. So, how does control and being right coexist, partner or not match up??

The need to be right says, hear me, see me, acknowledge me, pay attention to me!!! I have been squelched and now “you will hear every damn word I say!”. Bonus points if you can tell me what movie that came from and who said it. The need to be right says you have value, but are not being valued, and probably not being seen, heard, etc.. What happens though when your needs associated with being right, causes you to be wrong? Have you been “right” for so long that you can’t see how you are wrong? Is your expectation of being right forcing your thoughts, beliefs and views on to others that maybe don’t see how you are right, or maybe they can actually see where you are wrong and instead of having an open discussion, you scream in their ear that YOU ARE RIGHT AND YOU WILL BE HEARD???

So you take control of the situation, sucking the oxygen from the air, diminishing the other person and their right to see things differently, just so you can be right, and have a sense of control? Oooh. Oops, ya done messed up now. Because this makes you a hypocrite, maybe a control(less)freak, an unhealed, possibly trauma bonded, brainwashed lump. Well snap, ya done gone off into a poor state of mental health now. So how do you correct that???

Step 1: You accept that others have an opinion differing from your own.

Step 2: You take a closer look at yourself and try to figure out why a differing opinion than your own bothers you. Has something colored your perception with being right and needing control?

Step 3: You come to realize that maybe you have some self work to do, then you “Do the f*ucking work!”.

Step 4: You learn to ebb and flow in life, the differences we all possess make us beautiful, make this world beautiful, and if the differences are non harming, what does it really matter in the end?

Step 5: Learn to breathe, relax, find or create joy, oh, and mind your own business. Because if you have time to control others or force your need to be right on them, you probably have time to work on yourself.

For more tips, honesty and interest in my thoughts, subscribe to my feed. At minimum, it redirects your focus and may make you think!

Lettuce see!

I stumbled across a DIY tutorial on how to make a vase from dipping romaine leaves in concrete. To say I was initially perplexed, would be accurate. Do you ever find yourself asking why someone would make something frivolous, impractical, maybe even wasteful? Yep, I found myself doing the same, and then I chastised myself for it. I know better than that, I know that my opinion does not matter, and that we all see things differently, but I also recognized the hypocrisy of my judgment. So, why did I immediately judge?

Honestly, it is because my creativity has been stifled and lacking here of late. Not all creatives want to admit to this, but I fess up and embrace it. See, while I found dipping romaine leaves in concrete to form a vase a bit in poor choice, I also recognized I never thought of it, someone else wondered whether it could be done, and did it. Personally, I wondered how the lettuce decomposing would affect the concrete, wouldn’t the moisture break down the concrete? I truly don’t know, and maybe it would, but it really was very cute in it’s solid form. And in that, I see the beauty of it.

Finding the beauty in it was not all I received though. I also thought of the joy it would bring to the maker every time they remembered making it. If the maker gifted it to another, the joy would then be spread to the recipient, doubling or tripling the happiness derived from what others view as nonsensical or impractical. What if the vase recipient received flowers from another friend to put in the Romaine vase?? Joy then becomes exponential.

We are quick to make judgments, but are we just as quick to amend or think those thoughts through to arrive somewhere different? I know I work at that, encourage others around me to see different perspectives too. I mean, who would have thought that a random art project of turning romaine leaves in to a vase would spur a blog post about judgment and freeing ourselves to allow more joy?!? I sure didn’t see that coming.

To see my inspiration for this post, Find the video from MetDaan DIY https://pin.it/4alhWLg here: https://pin.it/7mak7EG

My current WHY

If you knew how many things I write, and never publish, you would see a very lopsided draft to publish ratio. I write pieces, often. I rarely let my thoughts and ideas be seen. This all seems counterproductive, even counterintuitive for a creative, but there you have it, many words go unread up in here.

I have often thought, why don’t I just journal these thoughts instead of making them in to blog posts that will never see the light of day? I do journal, but my journaling is more spiritual in nature, my blog posts are more based in human nature. As I write this, I feel there is an important key being placed in my hand. I don’t write about the good stuff, per se, I write about the real stuff.

That is a bit of a downer, even to my own ears, er, eyes. Why do I feel so compelled to write about the real stuff? Well, I write about the real stuff because I think that we tend to ignore the real, difficult things in life. We tend to want to push it down or away, hoping out of sight is out of mind, and if it is out of sight/out of mind, then we don’t have to confront it, let alone deal with it.

Why is this important to me? I feel this is the basis/beginning of our mental health. Over the last year, watching everything unfold as it has, I have come to the startling realization that our mental health collectively is extremely poor. I have known for some time that people have poor mental health, but we are grossly mentally ill as a society.

Mental health is not something we really discuss or place importance on, and for the older generations, I think that worked. It could be overcome, maybe overpowered is a better word, because you basically got out what you put in. And while that still holds true today in a sense, the mental health of people today is based upon the avoidance of it yesterday. But I am sure it has always been that way, I think that further solidifies what I am trying to say. It all just keeps adding up, and keeps getting passed on to the next generation.

This creates quite a storm. A mental health shit storm if you will. People have no idea there is an issue. I mean, they can’t physically see it or typically feel it, so there is nothing wrong, right? Have you noticed how angry people are these days? Do you know that anger is an emotion. Emotions tell us how we are feeling, they can serve as internal warnings that something is wrong, or they tell us that something feels right…and sometimes that can be wrong! Argh!!!

It is no wonder that we are, where we are. How many of you were mad at people for not wearing masks? How many of you were mad at people wearing masks? How many of you just wanted to see another person’s face, regardless of the mask debate?? So many confusing, emotion invoking feelings, and we are just talking masks and not anything else!

So, how did this past year alter your mental health? I know for some, they just kept plugging right along. For others, I think this past year was a relief to be able to interact with less humans than normal. Many people saw a decline in their mental health this past year, some of those folks know this, so many others do not. Personally, I steadily have been building pressure and I finally blew up a couple weeks ago.

My own experience over this past year started with gaining a much needed break for me and my family in March of 2020. After that break, the disappointments started rolling in. Then the corruption of our government started taking a toll. Then people all around me started pissing me off, with their opinions or their dumping of their undealt with emotions, and while I tried to remain positive and supportive, I tripped and fell into old bad habits of being too available to people. This coupled with old issues of my own and loved ones, in addition to trying to live a normal hectic life, just brought it all crashing down.

I became depressed. I became angry. My hatred for others started to mount and grow. I saw others fraying horribly, and passing it off as someone else’s problem and not their own, and finally, FINALLY, I talked about it. And now, I am writing about it. I am still making plans to help myself, one thing at a time. The first thing I had to do was distance myself from the external less important things that I had no control over. I also had to seclude myself from people that were trying to use me as a life raft. I can’t swim, so that was only drowning us both. My mental health had to take the front seat, and others need to do the same as well.

Making yourself, or your mental health a priority over serving others is not selfish. You cannot pour in to others from an empty cup. You cannot fulfill nor make other people happy if they are not happy with themselves. You cannot heal someone else, but you especially cannot help someone if you are not healed yourself. You cannot take on others’ problems to alleviate their pain. You cannot make people get help if they are unwilling. You can do one thing, and one thing only: you can be aware of you, and figure out how to help yourself if you need it. If you are unsure, you can ask a loved one or friend for advice, but the work is on you. You can seek out a healthcare professional, but remember, you need to know your starting point, that may be as simple as knowing you just don’t feel right.

It is no longer May, nor mental health awareness month, but shouldn’t every month be about mental health awareness? Shouldn’t we be well for ourselves, and that just so happens to benefit those around us? Yes. To end, I wants to challenge you to do one thing positive for your mental health this week. Maybe you turn off the news, maybe you put down your phone, maybe you tell someone no, maybe you go to a yoga class or read a book. Whatever you choose to do, do it for your health, your mental health, because head colds of the mental variety can end up as mental shit storms and no one wants that.

~Erin

The roles we play.

Are you playing a role in your own life? Are you playing multiple roles? Do you even know if you may be playing a role, as opposed to just being who you are? Whenever I find a common theme popping up in my life, this is the lightbulb that says write about it.

If we wanted a role in a play, we auditioned. Many of you may say, well, I don’t want to play a character, I just want to be me. What if I told you the roles we seek are comparable to when we were kids in gym class or recess, we just wanted to be picked? How about if I tell you that our roles often have to deal with our childhood, that we played roles for our parents or friends as a way of receiving love and finding self worth?

Many of us adults carry the childhood roles way far into our adulthood, doing the same or similar actions as those of what we did to get recognition and love from our parents and peers. We have fulfilled the roles for so long that we no longer realize that is what we are doing. Some may say, “this is my personality”, or this IS love, or this was how I was raised, or it’s not me, it’s you, as a way to explain their methods and ways of explaining themselves without understanding themselves. These are some examples of coping mechanisms, trauma, projection, finding and receiving love or self worth, acceptance.

When we don’t stop to examine what we have carried with us into adulthood, we more or less are saying we are not worth more, and neither are those around us. That is a pretty brash, hard statement, but truly, what is conditioning and what is choice? Do you know why you have a tendency to want to help/fix others? Do you know why you have a desire to be perfect? Do you know why you trust no men? If you can’t dissect and pinpoint why, you’ll never know why, things will not go how you want them to, and odds are it will be someone else’s fault, or you will blame yourself to the point that Jesus will look at you and ask if you are trying to take his position.

Some people will say that you can’t go back, you can only go forward. TRUTH. However, when you don’t examine the past, and look upon it with love and care, for you, your parents, for relatives, for people of influence, or friends, then you probably will short change you and anyone you have contact with in your present and future. Too many people think that looking at the past is a gateway to blaming your parents, caregivers, or friends for their flaws and failings, it is not. So what exactly is it?

It is a way for you to identify what you were tasked with, what you have not only brought to the present with you, but what you may think is just a part of you, and is actually a detriment to you. For example, I was a fixer/helper. My parents did not always get along, and I was the buffer, I fixed the situation so they would, at minimum, not argue. This carried over in to adulthood to where one time at a concert, I got between two grown men fist fighting. Yes, they stopped, but I put myself in harm’s way, which was stupid and dangerous. Why? Because I just reacted and did it. I realized this was a problem, that it was not my job nor duty, and the police showed up maybe 2 minutes after I got them to stop anyhow. I still tend to be a more diplomatic person, by choice, I have never run from conflict, I face it straight on, but how many people avoid conflict, and why? I have dealt with the childhood conditioning of my mediator status, to where what this entails now is listening, seeing both sides and communicating about it, but definitely not inserting myself where I am not asked to be, only being involved when asked or required for resolution.

How many of us are still living for our parents, relatives, or friends approval even if we know our parents don’t require that? How many of us think we are simply respecting our parents when we don’t communicate our disagreement or boundaries to them? How many of us are also putting this on our kids, who may in turn put it on their kids? And why is voicing our thoughts, opinions, dislike or disdain for our parents actions or choices seen as disrespectful, from them or us, can you handle this coming from your own kids??

Ah, it is the role we play. The role they gave us, the role we persist upon and perhaps it is a generational role that just keeps getting handed down? Well, if you know me, and my husband will also tell you, my motto has been and will forever be, “I’ll do whatever the hell I want to do!”. And you know what, I encourage every single person around me to try that on or adopt it for themselves. Why? Why not? If I know why I am making the choice based upon the system of checks and balances that I have, for the reason I am, how can that be anything but good for me?

If we are not being authentic with ourselves, we are not being authentic with others. If we are playing a role for someone else, we are not serving in the best way, or to the best of our abilities. Might there be nuggets of gold in those roles? Sure, but we must determine how that makes up a part of us, not a just a “personality” trait assigned to us that we accept as fact. So, you can’t go back, but you can’t freely move forward until you examine the past roles you have played.

Are you willing to be uncomfortable and examine your roles? Are you willing to see what you kept as yours, when it was put upon you? Do you want to be free of similar patterns, feelings and occurrences in your life??? Then look back, sort it out, show grace and love to yourself, your parents, relatives or caregivers, forgive you, forgive them, because they knew not what they did, but now you know you have a choice. Oh, and a thought to ponder, do you know what guides your choices, and how your roles play a part of that? Like, if you ignore the past, how, or is that really serving you?

~Erin

Pointing

Are you pointing to others in blame, or in acknowledgment of answers. Are you pointing in the direction you wish to go, or the place you came from, maybe where you stand that you can’t move from? Are you looking in the mirror pointing at yourself in awareness, in denying fault, or maybe just seeing yourself for the first time? Are you pointing to others like you and finding fault, or finding relief? Where are you pointing, and what do you find when you follow that?

A Little Dog Hair

Life is far from perfect. I’d go so far to say that life is a testimony of perfect imperfections. I’d probably include in that testimonial list, a series of reactions to the imperfections, a sense of humor, some observations and maybe a dose of the lesson we were meant to learn.

I made an observation the other day. It seems that every pitbull we get, is a representation of where we are in our lives. Since we have been married, we have had 3 pitties, and they all had similar pit qualities, but each one is unique. While initially that is eye opening, I think it all circles back around to the imperfections, the observations, the lessons and definitely the sense of humor.

Our Jack mutt, and Mini Schnauzer don’t seem to fall in to this realm, neither did our Boxer, it is a very odd thing, but it is also a very humbling thing. When you see reflected back to you, through a dog, where you have been or where you are, it is astounding. I am not saying that only pits are capable of holding a metaphorical mirror, that may be different for you with your dog(s), but in our case, this is how it has been and I kind of just cock my head like the dog thinking about it.

I love that we get back, what we put out, and it is so obvious. What an amazing barometer for self growth, what an amazing opportunity for our potential! Who would have thought that man’s best friend would end up being a reflection of our relationship with ourself?! Many of you may be saying, “yeah, no, it’s not that deep.”, but isn’t it? Isn’t it that deep??

I’ll leave you with this, our newly adopted guy, Sonny, you can tell that someone loved and cherished him when he was a pup. They devoted a lot of time and energy to teaching him and showing him how to behave. And you can tell somewhere down the line, they beat him. You can also tell that they abandoned him, because he needs to keep his people not only close to him, but in his sight, sometimes riding in the car worries him. I feel like I understand the person, through understanding him, and I just want to hug them, and not judge them. I want to tell them thank you for showing him the best parts of yourself, because he is the sweetest boy ever. I just want to say thank you for giving him up, if it meant no mistreatment, or betrayal. Thank you whoever you are, and may you have looked in the mirror he held before you dumped him.

~Erin

Trust the Fall

We often have the greatest of intentions to _______. We spend time planning on how to ______, we talk about getting ______ done. We even start to ______, eventually to find ourselves fallen off the path to ______. We can have the best of intentions, and we may even have already succeeded at ______. What happens when we fall off of ______, do we beat ourselves up, totally give up, or trust that falling is part of the process to succeed at _____?

I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic in July of 2020. That was a hard blow to be dealt, but at the same time, I had set an intention for better eating/health just two weeks prior. The need to change my eating habits showed up in a medical manner, and I thought, well, I wasn’t specific now was I?

I had shared my diagnosis with my yoga instructor, who also happens to be a Doctor of Physical Therapy, and a women’s health coach, she directed me to a book that she found helpful, and that she thought would be helpful to me as well. The book, titled “Hangry”, was the best thing I could have read, the best resource I could have asked for and, it helped me go from a 6.3 to 5.6 on my A1C testing! I also lost 25 pounds! It helped my hormones, my attitude, my overall well-being!

https://www.amazon.com/Hangry-Simple-Balance-Hormones-Restore/dp/1250620732/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=hangry+book&qid=1614475336&sprefix=hangry&sr=8-3

And then the holidays happened. I was feeling amazing, better than I have ever felt, my pain was at the lowest level I have felt in over 12 years, and to be honest, I felt the best about my body I have felt in like 30 years. Sounds amazing, right, so why would I put those feelings and results in jeopardy? Because I felt that good, that is why. I thought I could “afford” it, I thought the good things were more minimal than maximum, I thought a little poor choice here and there wouldn’t add up, they wouldn’t become long term and they would go by the wayside after the holidays.

Weeeeelllll, I have been wrong before and I will most definitely be wrong again. I know that I must resume the good things, eradicate the bad, I know how to do that, and I just need to do it. You know what else I need to do, the biggest thing I did when I started this plan the last time? I showed myself grace, I loved myself more, I cared for myself more, I nurtured myself more, and that was why I did so well before, perhaps that is why I fell this time, to remind me of how far I had come, and that if I need a break, that is okay, but to discard what works is not in my best interest, and I need to remind myself of that, as well as making my health my priority!

So what is in your blank space that I mentioned before? Do you have multiple blank spaces, do you need to think about what that might be for you? I will be gathering, regrouping, recentering my life on what I know worked for me, what makes me successful.

~Erin