So, after yesterday’s post, you have the picture that I don’t go half way, or half ass. If I am going to do something, I am going to give it my all. I am not going to lie, the healing process might be a bigger obstacle to overcome than you realize. It may take you longer, it may be way harder than you think, and there may be so many things to sort through that you don’t know when it will end.

It has been an ordeal, healing simultaneously while my husband heals, while my children heal, while we navigate the normal things in life, and the hard things life dishes out. Life has a way of leading us as we go, assisting our desire to process, heal and grow. What we don’t consider is the time spent in this endeavor, and the time consumed trying to breakthrough.

We may pursue our mental health and well being with a fervor unrivaled, we may just relax in to it, and we may cry or scream our way through it. However we go about mental wellness, support, caring, and communication can be key. Open curiosity about ourselves and our journey can aid us in our quest, it can also help us to be present for others on their journey. The biggest thing though, is the desire to feel our best, and to know that we need to work through things to get there.

If you are struggling, know that you are not alone. If you are having a difficult time with some sort of trauma in your life, you are not alone. If you have suffered a loss, you are not alone. If you need someone to help you sort through some stress, you are not alone. There are people and resources available to you, you should never have to pursue your best mental health alone.

I personally believe in Adena Counseling Center and Mares Cares. I am sure there are other places locally that others can attest to, but these two places have great people that are qualified to help you, they want to help you, and they have helped many people that I love and care for.

What I did for me today was:

• I scheduled a holistic health day for later in March, it has been too long
• I said yes to an invitation to a Vintage Market for April

What I did for another:

• I scheduled the same holistic day for another
• I listened, and accepted another’s view point and apology with care and kindness

Today was a day of acceptance for myself and others. Perhaps we didn’t choose what we had to accept, but life doesn’t ask you what you prefer, it hands you what it does, and then allows you to pick acceptance or not.

I have always tried my best, okay, maybe not as a kid but as an adult, however I try my best at whatever I am doing, and I have done so with the desire to excel. Recently I feel that I have done this all wrong, that I shouldn’t have done that on so many occasions, that I should have just done enough for others, and more than that for myself. I know what you may be thinking, what I am thinking, how selfish. But honestly, it seems that most people that are happy, are pretty damn selfish.

I was never unhappy as an adult the last few years, even in the toughest of times, and tonight it all made sense. You see, I went to the calling hours for my friend’s wife tonight. I sat there and listened to conversations people had, witnessed their emotions, said consoling words, stared at a person’s life summed up in photos playing on repeat, and you know what struck me most? This person had a lot of pictures of them smiling, enjoying life. And that was eye opening. I have no photos of me like that, but I was living, right? And then I immediately thought, no, I was fighting.

I fought another’s idea of what my life should be, I fought to teach my kids important things in life, I fought for my own identity, I fought to be heard and seen…to be accepted as me, and I was shown this evening in pretty bold letters, most people accept me for me, but so many do not. The people I have tried the please the most, accept/accepted me the least. I usually just keep going in life trying to be happy and doing my best, but I am pretty tired of doing that, I am tired of double standards and of me being accepting of people, but not of people accepting me.

My eldest daughter asked me tonight why I don’t say anything, and then you know what happened about an hour later? She flat out reminded me that I cannot be me with everyone, because there is something about me that people just don’t like. And I told her that I was okay with that, because I like me. I like me. I accept me fat, I accept me impervious, I accept me saying my truth, I accept me being too kind, I accept me being harsh with truth, I accept me anxious, I accept me dead calm, I accept me.

So how does this tie in to the death? She accepted her too, and that was the thing I admired most about her. Whenever I was around her, I found her self acceptance refreshing, grounding and calming, and I think mainly because I felt kindred to her in that. Self acceptance.

This is what I did for me today: Accepted what I did not choose.

Sometimes it’s deep, sometimes it isn’t. Gotta keep it flowing, or it’ll stop growing.

What I did for me today was:

• I switched out my heavy comforter on my bed for a quilt instead
• Went to Hobby Lobby and walked around, just to look

I am still working things out, and I am making progress in spurts. Today I realized that I have been very angry about a lot of things for a long time. Those things have snowballed and I have held them in. It’s no wonder I have been self isolating. Time will tell what I do with this knowledge.

I wrote out a nice little blog post for today, and when I say nice, I mean not nice. I am feeling rather bitchy the last couple of days and I am tired of hiding it.

You see, I have been bothered about something, and someone for several months. I cannot confront this person because it would do me no good at all, in fact, it would cause problems in a ripple effect, so I seclude myself, and keep my mouth shut. How many of you do that, and it drives you crazy?

What do you find is helpful when you feel that way? How do you handle the situation? Do you confront the problem head on, or do you assert in a passive aggressive way? Or maybe you just move past the issue and the situation? To each their own, and as you know, every situation is different. Anyhow, let’s see what I did today!

What I did for me today was:

• I wore a very, very comfy outfit to work in today(if you knew my work clothing, you would laugh and wonder how much more comfortable I could get)
• I did not wash my hair, still looked nice from the salon
• I took a break from my dogs

It was a day of subtle wins, we all need those from time to time.

Prophetic, Intuition, Turnabout.

These are three things I tried to write about today, and each time it took me down a winding path of self indulgence. I am sparing you those semi formed posts, maybe I will glean more thoughtful matter on them over the next few days. Until then, just know I did not hit a triple, or a home run, I think I might have gotten hit in the back for a walk, truthfully. So let’s see what happened with me today.

What I did for me today was:

• Spent time with my hair stylist/got my hair done
• Did a face mask before I went
• Spoke about a vision I had, when I otherwise might not have

What I did for others:

• Put a 55 pound bag of dog food in a lady’s cart at Sam’s club, she couldn’t lift it

As you can see, I had some things to do today. What you don’t see is a list of all the other things I did, some feelings I am feeling and some grace I am showing myself and others today. Do you ever just give people space to be ignorant, or for yourself to be short fused? Yeah, we need to provide lots of space for lots of things, feelings and situations in our lives. It’s how we manage to keep going. Tomorrow we start the 20s, and I am not sure I want to talk about that turnabout just yet…let’s just say I found myself in an old pattern today that was not good or happy. Let’s hope for a better tomorrow, see you then!

Listen, I am not going to lie to you, a lot of things are happening right now that have me scratching my head. A lot of people are saying and doing things that also have me scratching my head too. Basically it’s like I have some sort of rash that just keeps itching and the only one to stop it is me.

Yesterday I mentioned a social media purge becoming a possibility, and with all of the “information” out there, I really think turning off the outlets may be the only thing I can do to get rid of the rash. By turning those outlets off, I have no idea what is happening, not that any of those reports lend to being informed anyhow. Too, if I turn them off, I don’t know if you are right or wrong…not that you are either, but I don’t have to have an opposing opinion or same opinion, therefore I don’t have to add you to my reason for my head scratch.

Many of you may feel this is irresponsible, that is fair, and maybe on some level it is, but I have weighed things out, and I feel this is the best solution for me at the time. I know myself, I know my beliefs, I know I have no control over so many things in this world, and you know what, I can stop that itch from the head scratching that people and “news” is causing me. When in doubt, tune it all out.

So, I suggest you do the same, tune out what is causing you anything but joy. I mean, how do you know what is true or accurate these days? You really don’t know for sure, so look only in front of you my friends, look for the good, look at what makes you happy. You are all beautiful souls, focus on the beauty. Peace be to you all!

What I did for me today:

• I took a nap
• I re edited some shots for a new look

What I did for others:

• Complimented some ladies on goals

Do you consider what all you consume? When we consume water, that adds up, hopefully to about a gallon a day, which is great. Over time, that consumption is positive. We can apply the same tactics with exercise, a daily quota is a great thing, producing terrific results over time. What about when we remove things from our lives, does that add up to positive results too? You betcha!

After being sick for so long in December/January, and not being able to eat for a week, then resuming eating, my body decided it was time to do a big purge of items so that I could eliminate an over abundance of heartburn/bloat/nausea. I started with the main culprits, coffee and alcohol. I put the wine aside and noticed without wine I had slightly less hearburn, at some point I may add it back in, just to test my body. The older I get, the less it seems my body wants to consume alcohol, which I reckon is a good problem.

Eliminating coffee is usually not hard for me, I substitute a coffee a day for pop/Coke the first two days, then no caffeine after. I don’t like pop very much, so it is easier to do away with that, but I still need to wean from coffee, so this is my method. I am genuinely surprised every time I quit coffee, as I have WAAAY more energy, am less sluggy in the mornings and throughout the day, and my overall mood is drastically improved. I like the taste of coffee, and no, decaf is NOT the same. I will pick the rewards over the quick jumpstart every day from now on.

Next is red sauce/tomato based products. I love pizza and this is my kryptonite. I get a burning in my lower abdomen with red sauce, so I know it contributes to leaky gut syndrome for me, which I used to have IBS and I solved that with diet and stress level changes too. So, I am declaring no more red sauce, as I am sure this is currently part of the heartburn too.

As I have started my elimination, I will be looking to cut breads/yeasts too. These main 4 things really are just the worst for me, yet like a fool, I go back once I am feeling better…or in this case, my body went in to survival mode from not eating during illness. Someone suggested that my illness would jump start a diet with weight loss…uh no, I didn’t choose that problem and therefore I knew my body would rebound hard, so I settled in to let it cycle through. Thanks for your opinion though.

You see where this is for me today…

I am also going to limit my social media interactions too. I am on the fence about what that will entail, but I do know that my consumption of social media doesn’t always add to my life, so I need to ask myself how to go about that.

What I did for me today was:

• Said no to coffee again(one week down!)
• Consciously choosing to eliminate dietary items for optimal gut health
• Picked my body over social obligations

What I did for others:

• Donated a ticket for another to use for yoga
• Send information to provide calm in the storm

As you can see, life is ebbing and flowing. We can either get swept away with the tide, or we can be a solid landing for ourselves and others, but it starts with us, within us. I have about 30 more days of 45 to go, and so far, it is going swimmingly. 😉

Another short and sweet post today. I want you to remember, it really is the little things in life that bring us joy…or drive us nuts. One person’s ocd, can be another person’s joy, but not in a mean way, in a loving caring way. Obviously.

What I did for me today:

• I kept a light attitude and found joy in the little things(like a missing puzzle piece)
• I finished a puzzle with the husband(is it really finished if it is missing the final piece? I think so)

What I did for others:

• Gave feedback that was asked for
• Drove around looking for my cousin’s dog
• Held maniacal laughter in when my poor husband was holding in frustration over the missing puzzle piece

I hope you did something joyful today, I hope you enjoyed the sun. Wishing you all a light, restful remainder of your weekend.

*The author of this post, wishes to remain anonymous. This is not directed at their employer, they are expressing their grief in a raw, poignant way, I am honored to share this with you all.

For the amount of time that most of us have given to our careers for free by going well above and beyond. It always just seemed like that’s how it is supposed to be. I question what robot has deemed the idea of one of the hardest things in the world to overcome, with no emotion, no compassion, and quite frankly… No fucks given!

Bereavement, 3 days…. Time stolen from companies that have been gracious enough to afford us the luxury of 3 entire days… Never mind the weeks we have lost away from family because, “That’s the job”. Time stolen that can never have a price put on it.

From the point the inevitable happens, you will now go through life wondering what if!! A thousand times a second for the rest of your life… Followed by the thought of being “gifted” with 3 days. The second your life will never be the same, the moment you get smacked with a reality that you never thought of, because IT SHOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED.
That single moment, where it all changed.

What accounts are open, what bills need paid, what needs closed, did they have will, where is the will, where are the kids, will I still have them, what if I can’t do this, where is the plot going to be, who is handling the funeral arrangements, when is it going to be, what would they want to wear, did the taxes get paid, are income taxes filed, was there life insurance, how much did that ambulance ride cost, how much is the hospital bill going to be, how much is a plot, how much is a funeral, what am I doing, where am I going, who do I let know, how do I let them know, how can this happen to me, what if I wouldn’t have taken that last call, how did I not see this coming, what signs did I miss, did they know, the list goes on! The worst part is that this doesn’t go away and runs through your mind millions of times a second…

Now that a 6000th of those questions have been handled… 3 days… Those 3 days you were afforded have gone. GONE in the blink of an eye… The viewing and the funeral haven’t even come close to happening. 3 days are gone… Back to work you go…When did you have time to grieve…
Take a breath and hold it in for 60 seconds…
Who will officiate the funeral, did I make the right choices, is that what they would’ve wanted, who will be the pallbearers, have you reached out to let them know…. It never stops!! You were afforded 3 days…

Family is the most precious gift in the world. Time is the second most precious gift in the world. You can have both independently… I can assure anyone that one without the other shouldn’t be allowed to exist… There’s a reason they are number 1 & 2. Yet somehow along the way I would encourage every single person to stop!! Take a deep breathe, and ask yourself…. Did you put them both at #1??? Or did you lose sight of what truly is the most important thing in the world….

Cherish the time you have with family. When you get nagged before leaving for that last kiss, you truly never will know if it may be the last. Should you feel that it’s getting away from you all over again, just remember… Time is never guaranteed… you truly will never know when the time comes…..

It is my youngest daughter’s birthday, so quick and to the point today!!

Today what I did for me:

• I caught some quiet time to just sit and reflect
• Started a puzzle with my husband

What I did for others:

• Celebrated my daughter with great food, memories and laughter

Woo! That was all yummy! Happy Birthday Brooke, we love you!😘❤️🎉