Today was a great day, I was sore from all the painting yesterday, but it is just a reminder that I need to prioritize regular exercise. I went to my eye doctor today, love him, the girls that work there and the great experience I always have there, totally worth the drive to Jackson! I then spent time at lunch with one of the greatest friends a person could have, I am so very blessed! I did a few odds and ends around the house today, and here we are, a good day! What did you do today? Drop me a line and let me know if you too had a good day!

I spent 8 hours today painting. I will finish a couple door frames and window casings on Thursday, tomorrow is meant for other things!

Next week I will share this area and two others…rearranging your house is often a good thing!

Do you have goals? I typically don’t deal in goals, I deal in intentions and manifestations. I am not trying to hit a goal, because that could be hit or miss. With an intention, you may not manifest it this time, maybe there is more work needed in order for that to come to fruition, so it is still in the works, the thing is, you didn’t miss anything that caused you to not achieve a goal. There could even be a need for steps of clearing before you can begin, which would be a first step of an intention that you didn’t even know you needed. Goals can be hard headed and overly aggressive, where as an intention says I see myself, I am open to the work I need to do to step forward, for my highest interest. Here is a manifestation of an intention.

I love this image, because it is a manifestation I set out with two months ago. Does it have some things that need worked on? Yes, but did I accomplish the one thing I wanted to? Yes. Am I thrilled with it? Yes! I am so thankful to have two such beautiful souls be my subjects to help me achieve my vision!

How about you, do you have goals, or do you set intentions? I would love to know, drop me a line!

Here at The Photographist Life, it is has been my goal to get back to my original intention of posting stories with photos. Today, we will take a step toward that endeavor.

It was prom last night for my youngest, Brooke. While Brooke doesn’t enjoy me barking out orders to her, she will give me a window of time to accomplish what I can while I can. As long as I get one or two photos of her that I love, I am happy, and she is less unhappy…maybe even happy too!

She is a goddess, picks her dresses quickly and very well for herself. Thanks for indulging my need to capture your beauty Brooke, I love you!

I did makeup and photos today. It felt good. It was good. My mouse was dead. No edits yet. Watching Ozark instead. See you tomorrow!

It has been a week. Thank goodness it is Friday. It is Prom weekend at my house, so my thoughts may be brief at best. Have a great weekend all!

If you would like to play, drop me a line in the comments on Fb, I will go first!

When you work on people’s bodies, emotions and issues may come to the surface. This is called an emotional release. The cells hold what the body knows, has endured, and is not processed. Or, maybe it is processed, but the trauma remains, to one day need released. When this would happen, people would cry, or get upset, maybe even embarrassed. I would explain that it is a normal phenomenon, that the body wants this, needs this, and that it is okay. Sometimes I would hold people as they cried, listen to them talk to themselves or me about it, or to comfort them with the shock of it, encouraging them to see a counselor or therapist that is qualified to help them. The biggest thing, the thing I always said to them was, my office was like Vegas, what was said there, happened there, stayed there. I am like a vault, and their emotional release was safe in “Vegas”.

People often overlook the mind/body/spirit connection, sometimes treating it like it is an afterthought, when really it is at the forefront. We may tamp down emotions, issues or baggage, but at some point, it should be dealt with, or it will manifest in ways in which we definitely would prefer not. I am not talking about the emotional releases experienced through body work, I am talking about hurting others so that we release what hurts us.

Someone recently told me that we often hurt those we love most, because we know they love us. This is a big fat lie. We often hurt those most vulnerable to being hurt by us because of that exactly-they are most vulnerable to our hurt dished out. This is such a misunderstood concept, and a very convenient excuse to explain our lack of comprehension, understanding and control.

So how do we deal, heal and move on? We make choices. I say this a lot, but it is true. We make choices to change ourselves, to change our lives, to change our environments, our understanding, our actions. This does not eradicate the hurt caused, initially or as a result of, but it says that you understand, that you have decided to do and be better, that you see, you hear, you understand. You can decide. You are responsible.

I will tell you why I write. I write because I want you to know truths about yourself. I want you to process and deal with these things, for you, your loved ones, friends family, and even strangers. Stop reading meme and adopting them as gospel. Stop listening anything less than the bottom line truth. Stop holding in your hurt because you think that is the way to do it. Stop letting it eek out, or be full blown to justify your anger. Let your body release what it doesn’t want to hold, but do it in a way that is helpful, productive and healthy for you. Find your Vegas, baby.

I never write about my mother, there is a reason why, as she says, I run my mouth too much. I do tend to be verbose, and repeat myself at times, but I am not one for gossip, slander or idiocy through talk, I left those bad habits behind long ago, once I grew up. I am however honest to a point of brutality, I am not afraid of conflict, and I won’t shy away from calling someone out on their bullshit, maybe this is what she means?

I told you the things I have learned from my dad, now I will tell you what I have learned from my mom.

Ironically, I learned to speak up, speak my truth, speak with truth from my mom. She may not always say kind words or nice things about people, but I learned that speaking the truth is vital for myself, and for the success of any relationship. It is the foundation of communication, and I endeavor to be the best communicator I can be.

Looks, are skin deep. My mom once told me, in one of my uglier phases of life, that one day I would grow up to be more beautiful than the two prettiest girls I knew. At the time, I understood she meant that about my soul, and she was right, without internal beauty, outward appearances are irrelevant. It doesn’t matter what I weigh, how many diets she put me on in my young life to help me lose weight, as long as I foster the inside, I will always be beautiful.

My mom taught me to be myself, no matter who might hate me, who might judge me, or who might think poorly of me. If I am working to embody the best version of me, then the people I surround myself will also be amazing. I truly have whittled down my interactions lately, to only people for my highest good. This decision has caused me to miss out on some things, but did I really miss out? No, I made better choices for me, and I am better for it. I would not change a thing about me, I like myself, and I do not care if others do.

I share my gifts with close friends and formerly with clients too. I am a very intuitive person, and my mom is a large credit for that. She is also very insightful, I believe it is largely genetic, but I have had some friends tell me it is a woman’s intuition. I found this aspect of myself in a healing modality type of work, to be very beneficial to others, as well as to myself. This has backfired on me a few times, but mom prepared me for that as well. I still have to trust my instincts and the information provided to me.

I think my responsibility to my family, was an example I saw from dad, but definitely my mom too. The way they differed was good for me to witness, to draw from in my own life, to adopt as parts of my brand of responsibility. Mom always made sure we were taken care of, accounted for, and we never wore hand me down shoes. This was a big thing for her from her impoverished youth.

My mom worked very hard in her life, to get to where she is. I admire this the most about her, and this is probably the thing I try to emulate most. I am hoping to start on a second career soon, and I will need to draw from this example she set. If you want your life to change, you have to work hard at it. I will add in working smart too, so it should be a winning blend.

Lastly, my mom taught me to use my words most effectively. I will tell someone that I don’t know, something kind, I am not afraid to look foolish, I will tell someone what I love about them, I treat each moment like it could be the last, and I would hate to miss an opportunity to say how I feel about someone else, to them. I use my communication skills to try to seek resolutions and to end conflicts quickly, effectively and with as little harm as possible.

It is because of my mom, and her influence on my life that I write so much. So if you see her out and about, and you enjoy what I write, please tell her as much. Thank you mom for being such an inspiration, and for helping me to become who I am.

Yesterday, I spoke to you about accelerant, today I want to talk to you about holding yourself back for others to grow so they can catch up with you. Yeah, don’t do that. Some days I feel that God really does wring every drop from me and my service, and I can honestly tell you, it is exhausting, and a bit discouraging too.

See, when people are older than you, it’s stands to reason they will be more mature than you, and I am here to tell you, that just isn’t always the case. With age, wisdom does not always come. Sometimes it becomes a matter of us holding our boundaries and forcing another’s hand. Maybe that causes distance, or severed ties, but why is that s bad or wrong? I don’t think it is, I think it is exactly right because it gives people space and time to think about what went wrong, how they went wrong, and what their part in that was. If you are fortunate, they will grow up and mature to a point that you can resume some sort of relationship with them, maybe, not always.

I feel like I have been stuck in a family’s issues of immaturity, trauma, conditioning and bullshit baggage for about 23 years now. And if you either read between the lines or know me, then you know it is not my own family. We have had our share of issues, but I trusted what God told me and that worked itself out fairly quickly…if 3 years is quick. I trusted God yesterday when he said make a move, and you know what, I let go, I trusted and I said okay. Dive off that cliff and go.

Where am I. Not a question, a statement. I am somewhere I do not want to be. I have legs, I can fly so I also must have wings, so why am I stuck with this weighted down version of myself? I put others first. Point blank. I jumped on the bomb and said I will protect all. I was aware, I made a choice, I chose to willingly sacrifice myself for others. No, I am no martyr as I expect people to get their shit together and to grow up eventually, freeing me as they do. It is past time, the time on the clock ran out. Now my thin patience is fragile, it keeps breaking and my ability to repair it, is nonexistent. So what does that mean?

It means I am a danger to society. I may snap at people, I may not hold back what needs said. It means that tiptoeing around things is not an option for me. It doesn’t mean I lack self control, you haven’t seen my name in the Scioto Post, but it does mean that I will rip every one of your bandaids off and hold your face in the wound to make you look at it, and you can either deal with it and heal it, or you can do something pointless, ensuring that I will walk away and not look back…because I don’t need to hold me back or suffer for another, anymore.

The most dangerous person is the one that can walk away. This person can also recognize what problems are theirs, and what is another’s. Dangerous people differentiate to find solutions, to accept responsibility and accountability. Did you wake up feeling dangerous today? I know I sure did.

I have not replayed the conversation with my husband and my mother-in-law from yesterday, at all. You know why? Because I don’t have to. She admitted and apologized to my husband for many things. Did she apologize to me? No, and that is okay to me. Was I hurt because of all of the fallout from her problems, yes, for sure. I don’t need an apology from her because she finally claimed her issues, she finally acknowledged to him what her part was. She passed her crap to him, and he took it out on me. Guess what I did with it? I said NO MORE. I didn’t pass it along. I carried it for them both, as I screamed “Grow the f*ck up!”.

So when I say I am tired, I am. I carried his crap, his mom’s crap, his dad’s crap, my mom’s crap, my dad’s crap, and I didn’t pass a damn thing down for my kids to carry. Instead I dealt with what I carried, and I showed my kids a different way. Was I a perfect parent, no. I tell my kids all the time that if they hate me at some point for what I have shown them or who I was to them, I accept full responsibility for that, I will carry that. If they don’t want to talk to me for a period or forever, because they are dealing with what I have done, I accept that and I carry that. The buck stops here. I woke up feeling dangerous, because I am.

Today, I watched Brooke get inducted in to the National Honor Society, I cleaned carpet, and I made my husband call his mother, they have been estranged for 7 years. For some reason, I feel that things are acting as accelerants in many ways right now, and I think the whole point is for things to go to a different place, a different way, and to live in to new.

I am ready, and willing to let go, to move forward and to reach for what is meant for me. I have learned recently that I can’t allow the same old things, and expect my life to get better. It won’t. It requires truth, honor and sacrifice from me. It is not there to hurt me or hinder me, it is there to help me.

I have also realized that I have been asking for help for a long time, and the thing I know is, no one is coming to help me. This is all on me, and figure it out and change it, I will. Wonder why I am blunt, direct, honest and say what I think? This is exactly why. It is all on me, and I will get through.

I am tired of my life being something it shouldn’t be. I am tired of my life being what someone else has deemed as my life. I am tired of trying to communicate with someone that is hell bent on making my life so miserable. I am saying this out loud, I will figure this out.