We get one shot at this life. We can make the most of it, or we can squander it away. I won’t lie, I absolutely love the fact that we as humans love a good come back story. I think the reason for this is that we do come back, we do grow, we do change, we do morph, and we do become differing versions of ourselves. However, in order for this to happen, we must die a bit in some way.
As you can gather from my post yesterday, some of those little deaths require us to let go of the past, of our childish tendencies, of our familial ties, of and when necessary. When those close to us, those old versions of ourselves, keep having the expectation for us to remain the same for their comfort, or ideals, it keeps us trapped, unable to change, grow, and emerge as a better version of ourselves, it keeps us traumatized. The option to become your better, best, self, is squelched, killed, or required to cause self harm or self betrayal. You my friend, always have an option, but it requires sacrifice, discomfort and often a ton of fallout. This is not for you to worry about, this is for others to accept, and then to make a decision for themselves if they can change and grow too, or if they will squander time with you away.
As a parent, you get such a short time to mold, shape, and guide your kids. You get a small fraction of their lives to be guaranteed time with them. You have to acknowledge and know, that nothing is definite as far as how they will have you be a part of their life, after they no longer need you. With this in mind, you have to form a bond of high quality while you have them in your immediate care. The reason, you are not guaranteed anything from the people you opted to bring in to this world, that was your choice, so you best make the most of that choice, and treat them like the blessings they are. This applies to your kids and your grandkids. Effort must be made for you to have a relationship with them. Demanding and forcing people to do what you want, is completely asinine, out of the question, and ignorant of you to assume.
Does the past decide the future? Yes, it sure does. Does the past dictate the future? Not necessarily. If you opt to change and grow, evolve if you will, people have the option to meet you at this evolved place, by choice. If you stay the same as you have always been, but the other person grows, you can meet them where they are, by choice. If one person is changing, growing, evolving, and the other person is not, it is almost impossible for there to be clarity as a whole. One person’s growth should not be limited, due to the other person’s ability to, or not do so. This is when people choose to move on, and rightfully so. Why would you keep returning to a bad situation just because the other person prefers it, expects it, and considers it normal? That sounds ridiculous, because it is, along with being unrealistic, selfish, and probably extremely mentally unhealthy, sometimes abusive.
When you rise from a situation such as this, you will find those little deaths required, were for your benefit, as well as the other person. It then becomes obvious that the choice to change, grow, evolve, is always present for us all, but not all will choose that. If the payoff to remain the same is greater for them, that is where they will remain…and that is their choice. The consequence of their choice, is their’s too. Let the past remain dead, you have moved on, been renewed, and have more growing to do.
September is Suicide Awareness month, it is best to acknowledge, deal with, and heal from the trauma, the trauma bonds, the attachments to mental distress.