I took a big sigh before I started typing this, to cleanse my mind, to release some tension, and to remind myself of my purpose. I will preface this by saying that often times, what we think our purpose is, is only the opportunity to serve in a specific capacity, most likely having been derived from a wound or traumatic experience. For the longest time, I thought my purpose was to help people via Massage Therapy, that was simply a chapter in my life, the opportunity to serve in a healing capacity, but that was not my soul’s sole purpose, it’s bigger than that.
I am not saying that energy work, me placing my hands upon people for assistance, or the type of work I did via massage therapy wasn’t essential, it most certainly was…but I have had some epiphanies that have helped me to understand that was not my purpose as I had assumed. Much like this blog, I feel strongly about putting my thoughts, experiences, observations, and words out here for your consumption and consideration, not because it is about me, gets me noticed, or makes me feel a certain way about myself. It is part of another act of service that lends to my greater purpose, I am a messenger, I am God’s agent, and I live from that perspective(mostly, I am not perfect, or even proficient somedays).
See, if I remove myself, my ego, my shortcomings and flaws, I am left with a better version of me that serves with more humility. THAT, is the point, to serve and work towards God’s likeness, not my own. I can encourage a student to pick their camera back up, to not give up, to convey that it takes time to learn, and trust me, you never stop learning, but also to joyfully see their excellent results the following day, knowing that it may have been my words that I spoke, but it was not my message, I was just the messenger. I act courageously when I am to deliver messages, I am bold, I say the words with love, care and hope, just like I do when I type these words to you. But it isn’t for me, well, not for my ego or vanity, but for me in the sense of fulfilling my purpose.
If I am being 100% truthful and authentic, with you and myself, I can say with absolute certainty, that may not even be my purpose, but what I am now assuming it is, what I have come to the conclusion it is, what all signs point to it being…however this may be just another chapter of unveiling what my true soul purpose is. It isn’t that I am wrong, it is the fact that all is not yet revealed to me, and may never be while I breathe on this Earth. Can you imagine, after you pass, your true purpose is revealed to you, and you laugh as it makes you feel like you were a contestant on $100,000 Pyramid, you basically described all about and around your purpose, but you never truly knew the right word you were describing?! Yeah, that will most likely be me, but I can see myself laughing after finding out, and amazed at what it really was. “Erin, your purpose was to be a painter.” I say that only because I have made mention about the desire to paint-I am goofing here!
Anyhow, I pay to write this blog. I pay to have this “hobby”. I pay to have a website for this blog. I don’t advertise, I just recently decided to monetize, because I stopped working and took much needed time off, not that it has yielded anything-monetizing. I am making a decision to renew these things yearly, and always with a TON of consideration, but ultimately choosing to do this, because it is part of my journey, it’s what God calls me to do. It isn’t for ego, notoriety, or finding my self worth, although it has been therapeutic for me in many ways. No, I do this as an acting agent of God, I do this for you, to serve you, I do not do this for me.
Drop me a line, tell me, what do you get from my blog? There are no right or wrong answers, simply what your impressions are from reading what I post. I would love to know, maybe it will reveal something to me?!
*also, before I hit publish on this, I looked at Brooke and asked her: “Do you ever write a blog post and ask yourself why you are putting this shit out here?” Brooke nodded her head and said, “Not blog post, but spam post on Instagram.” The purpose for me to include this for value is: it provides value in that we don’t always want to do what we are called to do, but we do it in hopes that it helps another, makes another feel less alone, makes you think/better awareness, shows you that some of us are totally not perfect and that’s not only normal, but real and genuine.
I feel like this is where I’m at, where I’ve been for the past couple of years. Trying to realize my purpose. I dabble in photography and painting as well, I have a little blog but I don’t blog enough. I swear we could be sisters! I’ve always felt my purpose was to serve others. My Mom wanted me to be a nurse and write books. Neither happened. I’m struggling with where massage has left me or rather how it’s affected my body. Trying to find my place in this world that doesn’t leave me aching everyday. I pray about it almost every day… “God, what am I supposed to be doing, Where can I be of most service”?
Thank you for writing. I enjoyed the read.
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Yes, sisters! I feel and understand what you are saying so much! We need to meet up and have a deep convo about this, as I don’t think the answer is clear cut, but needs layers of peeling, and open thought. I pray that you find peace and solace in your current status, but that you have clarity and guidance to your next step, your next chapter and your next leg of your journey. Also, you are a very talented person, sometimes we just need to jump at what scares us most. ❤️