They say you can develop a life changing habit in 40 days. Pretty sure they used to say 21 days, but you know, times change, we are more stubborn these days, so 40 days is the going rate, I suppose…according to “them”. Would you develop a habit in 45 days, for your betterment? How about several habits? What if the main habit was just to take better care of yourself, to focus on that for 45 days? Well that is what I am doing, and I invite you to join me on this journey!
I am at a crossroads in life, in a pretty big way, and I have been stressing out about it. This place in time has been coming, building if you will, and after I had Covid, it seemed to not only gain steam, but to build pressure up to a rolling boiling point…my pot may have spilled over some, but here we are, day 1 of 45.
My husband has reached a great point in his life, his deep seated problems are no longer problems, which relieves me. My oldest daughter is pretty self sufficient, needing me way less, this is relieving but also frightening. My youngest daughter is heading that direction, self sufficiency, but she has also been the least demanding of time and energy of the three. So here I am, my roles are changing, my body is changing, my mentality is changing, and honestly, I have been freaking pretty hard. HARD.
I am okay with all of these changes, in fact I welcome them, embrace them, celebrate them, REJOICE IN THEM. This is only the end of a chapter and not the book, but the largest part of my identity is no longer viable and that has sent me in to a bit of a tailspin. Maybe I should have focused more on me this whole time? I want to say that is where I went wrong, but deep down I know that is an unfair and inaccurate assessment and statement. I will show myself grace and kindness instead and get on with the 45 days bit.
As I was fretting(yet again), my husband calmly and compassionately suggested that I take the next 45 days to focus on me, to take good care of myself, to devote time every day to what fills me up, what makes me happy, what reconnects me to myself. I honestly think I looked at him like he was crazy, but he was looking back at me with compassion and empathy. He knows that I have dedicated the last 23 years to him and our kids, and while I tried to maintain my individuality, it was hard to not just become his wife, or their mom. I go all in, I chose to be the best for them, but I forgot to be the best for me too.
Now, this isn’t just a fill their cup and never mine instance, but I did sacrifice a ton and made sure they had what they needed while taking sips for myself, but again, roles change, life transitions. I am now looking at my cup wondering if I need to break it, fill it, or questioning what a “cup” really is. 45 days he says, is it that easy to gain clarity, to spend 45 days with myself?
He is convinced this will help me, but more so, I think he sees my sacrifice and at this point, 45 days is time to invest in myself, to develop, or reestablish some good, old habits. Maybe it is his way of telling me to stop obsessing and fretting over it? Probably, but I did snatch the idea right up and developed his thought quickly in to this, for 45 days I will do something for myself. I will post about it, and I will include times when I do something for someone else, because that is truly who I am, I HAVE to do for others, not in validation, but because I am a giver, and honestly, many people often have a hard time giving to themselves, instead of to others…this way if you join me, you can give to you, but give to another, feel good for and about you, but also make another feel good too. Sound good? Let’s get started!
As you can see, we don’t have to do crazy things, and my friend also suggested that I make a list of self care things I can do, or want to do…and to not limit myself in those things. If I want to go jump in a mud puddle, then I should, and I should let myself enjoy it. I think we often don’t do things because we make “good decisions”, meaning we won’t regret the consequences, but honestly, we are denying ourselves so much with this mindset! Cleaning up can be a time to reflect on the fun!!
So how about it, do you want to join me in my 45 days of self clarity(or whatever you want to call it)? Do you want to do something for your soul, your sanity, your amazing self daily??? I would love to have you join me and tell me about! Even if you don’t join me, I would love for you to do this for you, in your own way and time, for YOU! I look forward to talking to you about this, daily, for 45 days!