If you know your Bible, you’ll know what I am speaking of. God often asks us to do the unthinkable, the outlandish, the impossible, the courageous, maybe even the outrageous. Most people may disagree with this, but if you have a relationship with God, odds are you know, can relate, and have a few tales of your own to support this statement. I have some stories myself, but I often struggle to tell them, or I carefully pick who I share those with. Do you pick and chose who you share your God stories with?
I decided at 16 to start following God, I chose to exchange my pain, for his forgiveness, for a better life, and all I have to do is be his messenger. Sounds simple, but when you exchange one life for another, it isn’t free, it isn’t easy, it pushes you, makes you grow and gives you more freedom than you ever imagined possible. And I chose this at 16…my rebirth, my baptism by acceptance and forgiveness. I wasn’t sure how I would do this, if I could do this, but I did know I would fail, get back up, fail again, and so on until I got better at this life, that I chose.
The importance to me is the choosing. Yes I grew up with my grandma reading me the Bible, or discussing lessons from the Bible, but like God, my path has not been one bit of convention. When I accepted God and Jesus into my heat at 16, I asked God to teach me in ways that I would see and learn. I had attended church when I was younger, but that was not how I learned and absorbed the teaching and lessons. I was more of an observer that connected the dots, saw the small details and bigger picture from that process. I like to explore forwards, but backwards first, maybe side to side, then forward. I like to know what has already happened and why, how that affected everything moving forward, and then I do move forward, prepared. So, in my choosing Christ, and choosing my methodology of learning, I feel that if it weren’t acceptable to God, he would have shown me that and let me know. My openness to new things, all things, well, most things, is what I believe God likes about me most, maybe my courage too.
When I said I would be God’s messenger, I was given a vision, snippets of how awkward, unconventional, personal, maybe even intrusive that would be. But I still gladly accepted, as I knew it was the best for me, for my life, and would be better for all around me because of it. One day, I was at the hospital for a family member’s surgery. As I got on the elevator, a woman was crying, I paused so as to not get on the elevator, God pushed me forward. I waited a beat after the doors closed, and I asked the woman if I could hug her. I held her tight, and told her that God loved her. She gasped and clutched me tighter, and as we parted, she looked me in the eyes and told me that she really needed that. I know, God told me you did.
Another day, I was in Walmart, God prompted me to speak to this lady in the makeup aisle. She looked at me with wonder and fear in her eyes, and for an hour, she unburdened herself with what she was carrying. She told me that she could tell I was a good Christian, I blanched at that, told her to please not call me that…Christian. That I was just doing what God asked me to do. She said yes, you are ministering to me, because you are a Christian. I just politely smiled, but rolled my eyes.
I always felt that was not me, not who or what I am, I am just God’s messenger, you know? I always felt that to be a Christian, I must be perfect, I must not have flaws, I must conduct myself in a certain manner, that I must know all the Bible verses, that I must attend Church, if not regularly, then semi regularly, and that I must live as I had been lead to believe that a Christian lives. Whew, thankfully I wasn’t a Christian so no worries about that, and God seemed okay with that, I realize now that patient was what he was. This was probably about 15 years ago.
In 2019, God lead me down a different path, one of seemingly opposing thoughts, beliefs and conviction. I was disbelieving, hesitant, and not so courageous, but God said it was for me, that it was put in my path for my growth and evolvement. So onward I went in to Holistic Witchery, where I rediscovered things I had been taught growing up at my grandma’s right hand, and my mother’s influence. What I soon discovered was that this class was a lot of psychology, a ton of self discovery, and the place in which all of my struggles would be revealed and whether I healed them or not was then my choice…just took me right back to being 16, choosing God, and God is the one that brought me here to learn, grow and heal…unconventionally.
I spent the next 2 years, learning, healing growing, and one day, I had a light bulb moment. This was all the things the Bible had either taught me, alluded to, or that I had yet to learn. My mind was blown. I was looking at Christianity from a very, very skewed perspective, from the perspective of a sinner that couldn’t accept that I was forgiven and that I would never achieve this unrealistic idea I had of Christianity, that no one would achieve, even if they portrayed it.
What I am telling you is this: NO ONE IS A PERFECT Christian. The whole point of Christianity is to live your best each day, knowing that your actual best is yet to come. We are forgiven, but that doesn’t mean that we should consciously choose to do bad things, however, sometimes we don’t know why we do negative things, and so we should look to our past, to start figuring that out, and show ourselves grace while doing that. Before I go down a separate rabbit hole, just know, last year I accepted and admitted that I am a Christian. I never denied God, Jesus, but I denied myself. Sit with that, and think on it. Are you denying yourself, do you or would you recognize if you were? Is something missing in your life? Do you even know you? Pretty deep questions, but I often say, God has put this in my heart, and the first thing I wrote wasn’t the thing I needed to say, this is. God is unconventional, he moves in unconventional ways, and if you are unconventional, or not, he gets that and will move you in the ways that make it clear to you too.