Illusions

We could be talking smoke and mirrors, fun house sorts of illusions, but if you know me, then you know we aren’t. We are talking about personal illusions, of course. Of course. I would love to discuss how sometimes we lie to ourselves, about ourselves.

Bill and I were going to breakfast last Saturday, and he had been unwell with a cold. I watched it develop from Monday through the week to Saturday. It built a little more every day to where I knew he desperately needed rest, and so I had to convince him he was unwell and needed rest to recover. Our conversation was humorous if nothing else, as I was telling him that he was sick. He asked why when he is unwell, I say he is sick, but when I am sick, I say I am unwell. I took the longest, most pregnant pause ever, and finally answered with “we are just different”. We both busted out laughing and spent a good minute or two laughing at the absurdity of my statement. To make it worse, I went on to explain(womansplain) to him why and how it is different…let me just say, that the picture I painted of him, to him, was very unflattering, while the picture I painted of myself was pretty complimentary, if not down right heroic.

I should say, Bill has asthma, so when he gets sick, it does affect him differently than it does me-in a breathing capacity sort of way. So, this is the complete basis of my picture painting style for both of us in our respective states of unwellness. Never mind that he will work through his illness, while I will rest and sleep to recover. No, we don’t need to pay attention to these disparaging differences. Let’s keep our focus on the fact that I have super human powers and Bill is a sickly kind of person. Yes, this is the part where you laugh with and at me for my own sense of illusion…even if it is based on my previous life of constantly pushing through any obstacle in my way, and his dying with any minor illness.

Today, I am writing this while I am a bit unwell, and under the influence of medication. Never mind that my face feels kind of numb, my thumbs work and I can feel the left side of my brain working. See, super human! Sure, Bill is working away in the next room, having recovered. Probably because I made him rest last weekend when he was sick. Not to lose track of our topic, but the best naps are to be had on Fridays when he is on conference calls all day. The soothing deep tones of mainly male voices really just relaxes me and I rest so well. I probably should ask for one of them to record about 2 hours worth of talking and put that on when I need a nap, on a day other than Friday.

Back to illusion. I may be unwell today. I am not going to commit to answering this quite yet. Maybe it’s just allergies. I think I was just run down from my 4:30am wake up calls this week, and sleeping poorly, yeah, that sounds truly accurate. I am fine, not unwell, definitely not sick. I have work to do, but maybe I will just sit here and stare at a wall for a while…while I drool from my numb left side of my face. Sounds like a decent plan, thumbs working, maybe it is my right side of my brain working, the left side may be numb like my face? Hmm. The wind is kind of strong today, and look at the bushes leafing!

I think I will rest today, maybe the whole weekend? I am so glad Bill is feeling well, recovered from being sick. I am definitely well, maybe I just need to go work out today. Perhaps I should look up the word illusion?

In all seriousness, I am mildly unwell, but I will rest, hydrate and medicate to help my body recover. I no longer live under the illusion of my super powers and will listen to my body when I need to. My people are all adults now and can fend for themselves, if need be. I don’t have to keep plowing away, I can rest. I know illness is going around the area, and hope if you find yourself sick or unwell, that you listen to the wisdom of your body. No illusions for us, our super power is wisdom in acknowledgment and then dealing accordingly! 😉