TAP 18/70-Turn off the Light

It dawns on me how I am always telling my husband that the only thing he could ever do, is to build a time machine and go back to the past. You know, you can never undo the past, you can only change the present, for a different future. He is working on that, or rather himself, and I am working on releasing all of the past associated with him and his baggage. I guess that is positive, even if I don’t feel it so much.

I took this photo in September of 2019. I thought things were getting better then, and while they may have been better than before, they were still not better than they actually were. I have given 23 years of my life to him and our children, in ways of which I initially chose, then of ways needed, to ways expected. No one in my house likes me today because I have finally released what needed to be said to them all. And while it hurts that they don’t care for what I have said, it hurt not to say it.

And this is what I said about this photo. “Lots of clarity can be had in the face of tragedy. Love your people, love your city. Be original, be authentic. Be YOU.”

Sounds like wise words from my former self to my current self. I feel as though I have lived through a tragedy. I have absolutely evacuated my community of people, to deal with this, and only this. I am original, I am authentic, and it is time to just be ME. Not this tragic person, not a parent, not a wife, not a daughter, and not a friend(although 3 of you are still here with me). I just need to be ME.

I clearly left the light on for myself, and in true fashion, I left myself a note too. It is time to move on from the hurt, the anger and the hatred. It is time to see where this thing goes, life. It’s time to stop running, to stop standing still, it’s time to move to my own music, my own beat, let the rhythm move my feet. It’s time to turn off the light. I made it home, back to me. Thank you William, for the lesson.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: