If you don’t believe you deserve it.
What standard do you hold yourself to? Is it one taught to you, or one you’ve chosen through learning, is it a mix of both? And if it is a learned one, was the person teaching you of high standard, according to you? Maybe you learned by opposition? How to be, based on what not to do? What has made you, YOU?
I look back upon my almost 45 years on this Earth and I can honestly say, my life is a compilation of good and bad examples, of who I thought did things the right way, of those that I learned from by watching what I didn’t want to do, or have happen in my life. I saw religious people be horrible examples, and I saw sinners show me the best of humanity. I felt the hand of God through my grandmother reading me the Bible, and I witnessed highly regarded do gooders be absolutely retched souls. I have seen traumatized people hurt, and hurt people. I have been traumatized and based my life on helping others heal. I have seen it all, I have done it all, I am human, and so are you.
This kept me from thinking I deserved good things in life, my human affliction. The horrible things I had done made me hate myself, feel that I didn’t even deserve to be alive and I sure as hell didn’t deserve anything good. And one day, God asked me why I had not forgiven myself, if He had forgiven me. I really did not know the answer to that, and so God asked me to start showing myself kindness, and to consider forgiving myself. But could I?
You see, because I had given my life to God, in exchange for the lessening of my pain and burden, I owed it to Him, to at minimum, give it a try. And that is what I did. I tried, I failed, I beat myself up, I treated myself unfairly and unkindly and I kept getting messages, randomly, that God really wanted me to forgive myself. You see, I couldn’t move on, until I did. And you may ask, move on to what? More. Life. Love. Happiness. Forgiveness. Understanding. Empathy. God.
Many of you may not believe in God, and that is okay. I went through a period when I didn’t either. Why does God make us suffer, what is the point, etc etc etc. This will still work, even if you don’t believe(God loves you anyhow). The point is, would you be willing to try to forgive yourself? How might you start, you ask?
Pretend that you had no beginning, and the end is yet to be determined. Nothing is written in stone, before, or after right now. There is only you, in this moment, and only you, in what you do today. Do you like your actions? Do you like the consequences of your actions? Do you like wielding power and control over others, or does it make you hate yourself, on some level? Do you want to be more of what you are today? All of it, some of it, or none of it? And do you know that you can change that if you want to, if you try, if you trust that you can, and will be better off for it?
I don’t usually feel called to write about God, I usually have these conversations in person, but, part of my purpose in this life is to be a messenger. I agreed to this, it is part of my soul contract, and today I am being urged to write this. It is flowing out of me faster than I can type, and I don’t want to miss a word of what I am supposed to tell you.
Please pause today. And ask yourself if you deserve an abundance in life. Pause and ask yourself why or why not. Pause and listen to the answers, listen to where the answers may lead you, listen for guidance. It is all there waiting for you, for YOU. You deserve the best in life, believe it.
My mom always says everything works out just like it is supposed to, everything works out in the end.
My dad says things work out for the best when you work for it.
My grandma always said how do you want it to go? Is it going that way?
And I am telling you that I believe in you, I see you, I know you can and will. Now go do it.
I hope this reaches who it was meant for, that you know you are loved and that I believe in you. You deserve a good abundance. ~Erin