“If I don’t think I’m awesome, who will?”
Growing up, I lived bedside my grandma. I could go to her house anytime I wanted, I could spend all day long with her, and many times I did. Our days almost always started the same way, with us sitting on her front porch, often times a bible in her hand. It was a usual occurrence for her to read me a bible verse and then we would discuss it, sharing our thoughts and viewpoints on what we thought it meant or what we took away from it.
Looking back now, I realize just how much that woman taught me about life, how well she prepared me to be a good adult, how she showed me to be a supportive, caring individual. And honestly, she gave me a guiding source that has helped me navigate life’s waters. I have strayed at times from what she has taught me, and every time I do, I realize something. When there is a trusted source, a tried and true method, you are a fool to not return to what you know works.
I have been on a deeply personal journey for a while now, and something almost two years ago struck me when I was at a New Year’s Day intention setting event at my favorite yoga studio. I had forgotten myself. I had betrayed myself. I had abandoned myself. I chose to allow someone else to dictate my life to me, for the reasons I now know are asinine, but reasons nonetheless. It was during prompts, meditation and quiet reflection that I heard myself say something to my grandma…”If I don’t think I’m awesome, who will?”. That was eye opening to have that come up at that moment.
I remembered that it doesn’t matter what face we put on for others, how we appear, what others think of us. What matters is what we think of ourselves, who we answer to and how true we are to ourselves in those things. We can look like the most put together creature on earth, but maybe we are screaming inside. And what good are we doing ourselves if we are choosing something that does not jive with us, for someone else’s sake???
Ironically, I equate peacock feathers with my grandma. She always had this large blue vase that she kept a bunch of the feathers in, and we(my cousins and I), would get one out to play with when permitted. The feathers look like they have eyes on them, as if they see you, like an all seeing eye. Peacocks are gorgeous creatures, but they let out the most awful screeches at times, but that is the peacock, they make no apologies for their dichotomy of painful sounding beauty. When I set my intention that New Year’s Day, I knew that it had to be, “Be True to You”, accompanied with a peacock feather and a heart.
We must love ourselves, in our truth. We must see what is for us in our truth. We must allow others to see us, in our ugly, in our beauty, in our truth. Not all will be able to witness you in your truth, and that is okay, but for those that do, they may be inspired and create something magical, something deeply resonating for them and for others, and for you.
My amazing friend Rachel did such a thing, and when she gave me my mug, I waved it around my neighborhood(no one was looking, lol), proclaiming that I was special because it had two feathers! I didn’t tell Rachel, but that was the most wonderful thing, two feathers, because that was one for me and one for grandma. It is a reminder that she is always with me, that the lessons taught are always there, that I am to always think I am awesome, that I must be true to me, and above all, that I am true to the one above because he has never failed me(even though I have felt like it), and putting my energy into my belief, can and has done wondrous things in my life.
Thank you Rachel for your friendship, for sharing your gifts, and for being an amazing magical soul. Be True to You. 🦚❤️