Well peeps, we only have 15 days after today. Obviously we will start another countdown when this one ends, but the point was to make the most of our summer, to savor each day, each minute, each moment. I can honestly say this summer has been illuminating in many ways, but one thing is for certain, my children are growing up in to amazing women, and I sure as hell will take full credit for that. I went about their upbringing with intention, purpose and dedicated, unwavering laser like focus. I love to watch them shine, it doesn’t dull mine, it reflects on me and makes me radiate a bit more. They are not them because of me, they are them because they have, and are learning to be themselves! They are amazing, and oh, how I love them so!
Many of us didn’t grow up with parents that were concerned with us shining, and maybe we even had parents that dulled our shine, but I have no doubt they all did their best and what they felt was right. I can honestly say I have made the best decisions I could, even when I knew that it wasn’t the best choice, but the best decision given the choices I had. I think most parents are that way, unless they are trapped in their own childhood traumas and emotions, and then you get a lot of things that hinder your shine, which is still okay because you can make decisions to let that go, if you know about it and want to let it go. You can figure out and learn to shine, all on your own, if you want to!
A large part of life is overcoming things, and dullness to our shine is one of them. Becoming who you choose to become, is another. As a parent, it is our job to care for, and to guide our offspring. Our job is not to place parameters or expectations on our adult children. Once our kids are grown and self sufficient, we have to let go, we have to watch our babies fly, and if we are fortunate, they come back to the nest and visit us. If your kids are not returning, you need to look in the mirror, odds are the answers are there. Maybe you can deal with yourself and your own stuff, and that could open a window in which your kids can attempt to talk to you, and if you think your kids are difficult, well then they probably learned that from you, or maybe it just is you. I digress, but it all goes along with shining.
I long to watch my kids soar, their happiness expands my own, their suffering becomes my own. This is not to say my happiness or unhappiness is directly connected to my kids, no. This is to say that I love these people more than life itself, more than anything else on this earth, and if they need my love and support, I will be here to give it. I have empathy for what plagues them, but I will also be the one yelling loudest, cheering hardest, laughing the most with them, celebrating wildest when they succeed, win, or learn to make themselves better, shinier. I will have my rag in hand, polishing to see them gleam and shine even brighter. I love them, and want nothing to dull their shine.
You can dull someone’s shine, or you can be the polisher of shine. If you are caught up in yourself, your own life, or your own trauma, you are just the duller, you are probably the shadow hanging over whatever they may be doing for themselves. Get out of the way, and dull your own shine. This world is full of dull folks, just check the internet, won’t be hard to find them. OR, figure out why you are dull and why you dull others. At minimum, contain your dull to your own shine, some of us want to be as bright as the sun and shadows need not apply.
So, take stock, are you a shadow, a shiner, a dull one, or do you even know? Listen to what people tell you. Stop being defensive and ask if you dull or polish the shine. Be accepting of the answers, then learn to be your own shine, no one else can do it for you…but a shining person can polish others. Drop me a line, let me know if you had to overcome a dull mentality, or if someone helped polish your shine. I would truly love to know!