We often ask people how they are, and we can sense the true answer is not really the answer they gave. I love though, when you ask someone how they are, it isn’t all that great, but they still try to be positive. I recently asked a friend how she was, after some debate and conversation, she settled on terming her current standing as “Amazingly Decent”. How positive, yet middle of the road is that? I love it!
We are such a self driven society that we don’t ask people how they are, or when we do and someone is honest, we judge their answer on some level. I am not going to lie, looking back on the last almost 4 years of my life, people would either think I am a depressed, mental head case, or, they would see that I have struggled mightily and while most times I tried to remain positive, sometimes that just was not possible. The bad thing though, is that was me operating from a horrible place, and not the best of me, let alone a version of me that I even liked. This just added to the struggle.
I recently told a friend that they met me at my worst in 2018, now they get to see me at my best. They said they were here for it! THAT is friendship! They aren’t having an expectation of me to remain the same, they are open to me changing, and they want things to be good for me…and they know that I feel the exact same way about them, for them!
Some days I feel like we stopped caring about others, because we have our own problems to deal with…yet I often feel like I know my capacity to deal with another’s problems because I have my own to deal with too. Both sides of the coin, yet we have to be honest with where we are at, and how much we care about knowing what is happening with another. There is, however, nothing wrong with listening to someone, or hearing where they are. Not every person wants to unload where they are or what they are going through, but maybe they just want to say, “I am Amazingly Decent.”, and then you can send them positivity, love or hope for what they need, and leave it at that.
I will write this, post it, and then send it to the friend that said this yesterday. I will reach out to see if she is still Amazingly Decent today, or how life is going differently today. Why? Because we all need to know someone cares, someone is there, and someone is listening. She can say nothing, something, or maybe remain firm in yesterday’s status, for today too. I am open to whatever she says, that is what friends do!
Are you there for your friends? Do you have boundaries with what you can accept or contribute, at times, to your friendship? I would love to know if you have changed, and whether that made for better friendships, or cost you friends along the way. Drop me a line, I am listening!