The Show Me State of mind

Have you ever noticed that some things in life come full circle without your desire, or consent, for it to do so? I recently experienced this phenomena, and let me tell you, it completely threw me for a loop! Cheesy pun, anyone…anyone?

I recently took a road trip with my family, including my mother, to Kansas City, Missouri. I started the journey on a positive note, expecting us all to make some memories and have a good time…and then I got sick the day before our departure, strep throat! Not to mention my friendly monthly visitor, could this trip NOT start any better?  The bad thing about once you have Bell’s Palsy, it leaves your system weak and open to some really whacked out occurrences. It magnifies the bad stuff when you are tired, sick, stressed or menstruating. Yay. Despite all of that fun stuff, I was still determined to make this trip a success!

Everyone was a lot of fun on the way out west, we drove the 10 1/2 hours straight, of course we made pit stops and ate dinner, but it was still an endurance test. I really am not sure how my husband drove all of that time and was still coherent and pleasant at the end when we checked in to our hotel, I know I would not have been, even on a good day. He did hit a wall at one point, but a little Jimi Hendrix “Voodoo Child” perked him enough to finish out to our arrival.

People, there is a reason why Missouri is called the “Show Me State”. I have never seen storms, clouds, or sunsets the same caliber of gloriousness that Missouri showed us.  These photos do not do the scenes justice, you cannot imagine what a bunch of tourists we looked like rolling down the highway in a Suburban, snapping photos with cameras and cell phones. We were so cliche as Missouri asked her neighbors to hold her beer, delighting us with her incendiary behavior, showing us her goods and not being bashful nor apologetic about it.

Back to that full circle. See, I know this is not my best work, so that makes me question, were we really seeing Missouri’s best work? I truly don’t know. But, I do know that what we were seeing was damn good, it was good enough for us to appreciate it, memorialize it, and appreciate it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all. This all translates to my own work. I can admit, it will probably never be good enough in my own eyes, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t good enough, period. It may be a beautifully lit and captured image, but I will always see the flaws and things I could have done better. Does that mean the image is trash? Not by a long shot. It has redeeming qualities, some people will love it and appreciate it(thank you to the ones that do), and most importantly, it will spur me to capture better next opportunity.

Why do I always think I am not good enough? Well, I figured that out on this trip too. I am good enough, for anything and everything. I deserve the world. Oh yeah, I am feeling myself and it is about time. Am I exactly where I want to be? No, but I know my finish will rival that of a Missouri sunset. Freaking Glorious. I will strive everyday for a better me, towards an amazing finish, in the distant future. Catch a glimpse of me when we pass on life’s highway, I’ll pay homage to you too with a salute of recognition and well wishes.

Life has a way of teaching you and showing you what it wants you to see, what you need to see, permission or not. And that is okay. It is all okay. It’s actually all good because it is preparing you for something better, a better life and a better you for sure. Who isn’t good with a better life and being a better version of themselves? I know I am, and like Missouri, it can keep showing me all day long.

Things really have a way of being lit up when you are open and ready for it, even if you don’t know it. There is assurance in seeing what you didn’t think you needed to see, or what you simply weren’t seeing. We miss some of the best things when they are right in front of us, because we are looking, but we aren’t truly seeing. Like this building shown above, it was amazingly beautiful from my hotel window despite rain beading down the window in addition to a glare from the light, I still had to capture the building, but how. I drew the drapes and sandwiched myself between the faux sliding glass door, all while my husband lovingly made fun of me trying to get the shot. He said the real picture was me in that sandwich of glass and curtain, lol. It is in moments like that, I am truly blessed and thankful.

I don’t know if you’ll ever get to Missouri, but I hope you will be shown what you need to see, and you realize that it is right in front of you. Don’t let the struggles of yesterday or today, obscure your view, look beyond. Hell, just look, that is a fine enough start as your cards will reveal themselves in due time.  Thank you Missouri for all that you have shown me!

~Erin